Making Some Progress

Well the title pretty much sums it up. Since my last post a few weeks ago I've been busting my ass with my 1K roll on full tilt. Since then I've played somewhere in the ballpark of 500 tourneys (70% 45-mans and 30% MTTs) with an average buyin of about $10 bucks.

Currently I have the roll up to 2.5K.

Its slow-going and a bloody battle against the donks but I'm slowly gaining ground. My confidence is far higher than where it was a month ago (though I don't feel even close to my old self yet).

I've set a goal to play 1,000 tourneys in December and currently I sit at 226. I'm only on pace at this point to hit about 750 tourneys but even that would be a milestone for me.

Also, good news on the UIGEA front. The regulations deadline got pushed back from Dec 1st to June 1st so phewwwww. This allows a nice window for new, more reasonable legislation to be passed (therefore regulating online gaming rather than prohibiting).

So right now things are looking quite a bit better than they were a month ago. I still feel like I have a long ways to go to being where I want to be though.

oh hi there....

Sorry.

I have a bad habit of just crawling under a rock for a while.

I seem to be the kind of person who is either 110% full-force ahead or 110% head-in-the-sand. Very rarely do I find any middle ground it seems.

My last post was over a month ago. At that time I was in a downswing that was inside of a bigger downswing. Things haven't gotten better.

Here's an update on where I stand right now:

1) I had to cash out my Stars roll. I currently have zero funds there. The 25K Project will not be completed. More on that in a bit.

2) I'm still in the midst of an atrocious downswing. My only online poker funds are on Full Tilt and its not a healthy roll. In fact, its as low a roll as I have had in over two years.

3) The December 1st deadline for U.S. Banks to be fully compliant with the UIGEA regulations is right around the corner. If you know what I'm talking about then you are probably concerned like me. If you don't know what I'm talking about here's a link to a great post from Jennifear regarding this.

It's been over two years since I've seriously entertained the thought of quitting poker. But with all of this overwhelming me at the moment I must admit I have to fight back those thoughts again.

I can't really imagine myself doing anything else though. And for as shitty as I've been running for a few months now I KNOW it will turn around. It has to.

As far as the legislation and the banks go I clearly have no control over that. All I can do is wait and see how things play out. I believe things will work out though.

Internet poker is in such high demand that I just can't see the Federal Gov't being able to stop it. They've been trying to regulate illegal drugs for decades and only managed to embarrass themselves and throw away billions in tax dollars trying. So on that front I say "gl banks" trying to stop something that exists on the internet and overseas.

Ok so basically I feel like I'm starting over right now. I feel like I'm back to square one. I'm almost exactly where I was two years ago. I have a small roll on full tilt and thats it.

Here's the good news: this is probably my strongest ability in this game. Being able to take a small roll and build it up is something I've done successfully several times in the past.

The 25K Project was a pretty good documentation of this. Even though I didn't get to 25K, I did manage to get $500 up to $15,000 at the peak of the project.

I'm in a similar starting situation right now in fact. I have just over 1K on full tilt. A lot of players with my stats would seek out a staker at this point but thats not how I roll. I never reload and I don't play backed.

What am I saying here? Well I guess I'm saying I don't feel like I have anything to lose anymore. The last few months have been a serious gut-check for me. I've been tested financially and emotionally. I moved from colorado to michigan to live with some friends during this time, all the while bragging about my poker skills only to see my once mighty roll slowly bleed out from shitty runs and the need to withdraw.

If there is one thing I can say for certain its this: playing poker for a living (and being successful) is one of the toughest things to do over the course of a few years. I mean, we all have great months, and some good months, and some "meh" months, and of course some "yuck" months, and of course some "omfg its not possible to run this shitty" months... its an easy game when we're winning and its almost unbearable when we lose continuously.

I'm not a mentally tough person. I attach a lot of my self-worth to my poker results. This is an unbelievably -ev thing that I don't really know how to get control over. However...

I do know I will be back to my winning ways if I can manage to weather this storm. I've had good success in this game despite my emotional and mental drawbacks. There should be no reason why I can't return to at least that form. I've done it before and I'll do it again.

October 12th Results

I played two non-turbo 9mans on the 12th.

Like I said, I just wanna ease back into winning after getting raped for so long.

And ease back I did.

I won both of them.

Felt real good to run decent.

I might play today, I might not. No pressure.

October 10th and 11th Results

Saturday the 10th: Played a few 45-mans on full tilt and a couple small 6max MTTs on stars. No dice in anything. Then later that night I was so desperate for as much as a cash that I played a couple 9-mans on full tilt and still couldn't even run decent enough to get ITM.

So fucking lame.

I've been losing for so long now and so non-stop that the next fucking time I'm winning I'm just gonna fucking play play play and win win win.

Sunday the 11th: Went to Detroit to watch comedian Bill Maher. Actually he's quite a bit more than a comedian. His intelligence and "say-it-like-it-is" attitude toward everything in the world really resonates with me.

He has a live show Friday Nights on HBO called "Real Time with Bill Maher". He used to have a show on network television (ABC) in the 90's called "Politically Incorrect" but it was cancelled shortly after 9/11 because Bill Maher had the balls to say the truth about why America was attacked and some people got all hurt. But it worked out for the best cuz HBO picked him up and now he can say almost anything he wants without having to worry about censorship.

Here's a couple of funny Maher clips.

October 9th Results

I didn't play yesterday. I was going to run some 45-mans but didn't feel like it and something came up in the evening anyway. I'm so glad I didn't play cuz I really didn't want to.

It's already 4pm right now on Saturday and I've got a couple more things to do today but I prbly will play a little bit tonight, 45-mans and 180-mans.

Tomorrow is Bill Maher in Detroit so I'll prbly run a 45-man session in the morning and that'll be it.

Feels good not having played much poker the last couple days. I've been so stressed by poker lately.

The way I feel right now I just wanna ease into winning again.

I mentioned in my last post how I've been losing since August. I knew I was losing but I didn't know how much. So I looked it up.

(link to bigger image: http://img24.imageshack.us/img24/7761/sharkscopeallsinceaug1s.png)

This is everything. This is all SNGs and all MTTs on both stars and full tilt since August 1st.

The stars stats are a little skewed because I played two of the 1K WCOOP events and didn't cash either. Obv those buyins are way above my usual stake and make things look a little worse than they actually are. Also FTOPS on full tilt was disastrous and cashless.

It would be easy to look at these numbers and think I started changing the way I play and have somehow become a losing player. Except that my ROIs on both sites are still positive. That's so gross.

To still be making good decisions over so many tourneys and have a positive ROI but be bleeding money cuz I keep losing in midstakes and having to drop to low stakes and winning then moving up again and getting killed then dropping down and winning again etc etc etc...

Its getting old. I"m tired of making good decisions but losing my ass off. I don't play backed so this is all my own money I'm losing. I never deposit so I have to make sure I move down accordingly.

This has easily been my worst downswing this year.. not only in terms of the amounts I'm losing but also the length of the downswing. Ten weeks of losing has taken its toll on me emotionally, and I'm already a pretty emotional person to begin with.

Just for shits and giggles I looked at my stats from January 1st to July 31st, the rest of the year. Actually it really helps me to realize how well I've done and reaffirm that things WILL in fact turn around eventually if I just hang in there.

(link to bigger image: http://img91.imageshack.us/img91/248/sharkscopealljantojuly2.png)

The types of games I play I know I can beat. I have beat them and will beat them again. But this interim brick wall I've hit is frustrating the shit out of me.

Sometimes I even find myself questioning the most standard of plays cuz I can't seem to win shit anymore. I shouldn't have to question a certain shove or a certain call. I know what I'm doing.

Yet I feel like I have to get back to basics. I feel like I might be overwhelmed with emotion from so much losing over the last ten weeks that I might be over-analyzing some situations and outplaying myself.

Well thats about it. Hopefully my 45 man session won't be so disgusting tonight and tomorrow. With a third of the month over I'm already in quite a hole (both financially and emotionally). If things were ever going to turn around for me and my stakes this would be the time.

GL out there to us grinders.

October 8th Results

Pathetic.

Overwhelmed.

Completely unmotivated.

There's a few descriptions of how I feel about poker right now. I hate this game. Nothing I do is working out right now. I'm down $1,700 on full tilt and $1,200 on stars since October 1st (and I'm down a shitload more than that since Sept 1st and Aug 1st).

Yesterday I even dropped down my volume a little. It felt really good actually. I got back to basics by only running one 45-man at a time on full tilt while running the stars schedule. I wanted to make sure I'm not over-thinking my situations and outplaying myself due to my frustration towards the game right now.

I felt like I played really really well and made excellent decisions. But as per usual I got fucking raped in every key spot. I played several non-turbo $22/180-mans on stars and went deep in virtually every single one only to get fucked near the end.

Zero cashes on the day except the stupid $3r on stars. I was on uber-batshit-monkey tilt by the end of my session. All logic went out the fucking window.

What a fucking joke this game is. It's unreal how disgusted I am with it right now.

I sit in this room with my comfortable-as-fuck chair and kick-ass poker set up and play tourney after tourney for hours on end getting killed day after day while my friend/roommate (who I'm teaching to play part-time) decides to fire up one single 45-man last night and finishes 2nd like it was nothing.

It's like fucking child's play to win in this game WHEN YOU CAN WIN. It's fucking trivial.

Here I am crying like a fucking baby again "I can't win, I can't win, I can't win, wah wah wah wah wah wah".

I don't know what to do right now. I really really really really don't want to play today but I know that isn't the answer. I have to fight through this.

But I know that as soon as I take my first retarded beat by some retarded monkeyfish or run my KK into AA I'm gonna lose my fucking mind. All the anger and frustration of the last two months will flood into my conscience and tear me to shreds emotionally.

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Just fucking sigh.

My confidence is for absolute shit right now. I literally feel like I'll never win again. My bankrolls are bleeding out on both sites.

I don't know what else to do but to get back to basics. Its either that or quit.

I mean, I know I set out to play this specific October Schedule but I'm far too overwhelmed right now to carry it on. I'm trying really hard to stay positive through this but it's tough.

So I don't know what to do today. I'm definitely not running high variance MTTs. I'd rather put a bullet in my abdomen.

It felt pretty good yesterday having only a few tables open at a time and concentrating on just those. I think maybe I'll just run a couple 45-mans on full tilt and a couple non-turbo 180-mans on stars for a while today.

I need to make sure I'm still making optimal decisions with all this chaos going on in my mind.

Some comments I've been getting have definitely been awesome and I wanna say thanks for them. I hope they keep coming.

Well that's it. I'm done bitching for now.

On Sunday I'm going to see Bill Maher in Detroit and that should definitely lift my spirits. Maybe if I can have a non-overwhelming session today and tomorrow then take Sunday off I can have a clean mental slate on Monday?

Maybe. Who knows.

GL to me and GL to you.

October 6th and 7th Results

I took Tuesday the 6th off. Off from online anyway.

I ended up going to the casino and playing live for about 8 hrs. I got my ass handed to me @ 1/2nl for four 50 BB buyins. Notable gayness included QQ losing to KK aipf, KK losing to AKo aipf, and 67cc losing to Q10o all in on a flop of 1067Qx.

I felt like I knew where everyone was at in a hand virtually all the time. I haven't played live in over a month and its weird to be able to give all my focus to one single live game rather than 8 to 12 tables online.

Even though it was a bad session and added more frustration to my downswing I definitely had a great time being around people. Lots of laughing and lighthearted convo. I could definitely use more of that.

Today I was back to the online grind. I ran the full schedule and once again got killed on full tilt. I salvaged a pathetic mincash in the 21K KO tourney and that was it. I'm down $1,600 on full tilt since the start of the month. Shoot me please.

I seriously don't even feel like playing on full tilt right now. I'm strongly considering running my stars sched only for the next couple days to give my mind a break from four consecutive cashless days (minus the retarded mincash today).

I realize this is an irrational thought and irrational behavior but I really don't know what else to do. I'm not as mentally tough as I wanna be when it comes to running bad. The only thing I've ever known to do in these situations is cut my play way back and ease into it again gradually as I gain my confidence back.

The shaundeebs and kennls of the world don't ever seem to be bothered by downswings and they play 5x the volume I do. It must be nice to be as patient and mentally steady at all times like these guys.

Anyway, stars was "meh" today". I mincashed the $11 turbo, both the $22 FOs, and the $3r on my schedule. I went deep in almost everything else but couldn't even cash. I felt like there was a lot of potential today on stars but nothing panned out. I continue to run like shit late.

I continue to pick good situations to get my money in. This is all I can do. The coolers are ridiculously tilted against me right now (as they have been for two months now) and the fishes keep hitting miracles against me late in tourneys. I just can't do anything else but get in there every day and continue picking good situations.

I'll decide how I feel tomorrow about whether I'm gonna run full tilt or not. The way I feel right now I doubt I will... who knows. Maybe if I could get some input on what some of you think as to whether I should play or not. Its weird cuz I'm living inside my own mind and I'm only focusing on what I see. Sometimes we need other people to help point stuff out that we don't always see ourselves. And because I am blogging my thoughts and results everyday I feel like there has to be some shit in my thought process that could use some improvement.

So feel free to post comments or PMs or emails or anything. I'm interested in any and all feedback. I'll do anything I can to conquer this wall in my mind so I can become a really sick tourney player.

October 5th Results

Ok so the first five days of the month are in the books.

If I play 25 days in October then I am 20% of the way through the month right now.

That being said, its been a pretty ugly opening 20%...

To sum up in a few words what this data shows in detail, I fucking hate full tilt and I'm not exactly in love w/stars.

Clearly I'm getting smashed on full tilt. The MTT variance I'm experiencing is normal but the 45-man variance is retarded.

I've played twenty-nine MTTs and twenty-three 45-mans.

After twenty-nine MTTs I expect not to have any significant results. That's fine, no biggie.

In fact, that's exactly why I throw the 45-mans in there, to help reduce the MTT variance.

But clearly my nasty 45-man run from September continues to spill over into October cuz I only have one cash in twenty-three 45-mans this month.

This is what I mean:

I used to crush these things but since September they've been a fucking nightmare.

This 45-man nightmare combined with virtually no success in MTTs over the last couple months = me hating full tilt right now.

But w/e. I've made a good bit of money on full tilt this year and it's silly to expect to never hit a brick wall in this game.

Stars has been interesting. I'm not playing any 45-mans and most of the MTTs are very large fields, so you would expect my variance to be high. Yet it's been quite low after fifty-five MTTs.

One would think my variance would be much higher on stars (given the massive fields) and lower on full tilt (given the much smaller MTT fields and 45-mans) yet it's exactly the opposite after the first five days of this month.

Winning an 80-player, $22 tourney on the 2nd really helped. I specifically made sure I had a few smaller-field mtts on my stars schedule.

But just today stars eliminated the two $22 big ante (360 player max) tourneys that I had been playing on my October Schedule. That really sucks.

Now I'm down to ten mtts/day on stars with eight of them having 1K+ entrants. This = more variance. Oh well.

This month is about me establishing a good rhythm and routine for my poker life rather than playing erratically and on emotion only like I have been this year.

And despite the natural variance and ugly results I'm experiencing right now, the month has been 100% successful in terms of me sticking to a regular schedule and not feeling too overwhelmed w/ emotion toward the game.

I feel like I've taken a huge step these last five days toward becoming a happier poker player and a happier human being.

Ok so I'm taking tomorrow off cuz I have an appointment and cuz I prbly should take a day off anyway so tomorrow seems like a good one. I might throw down a 45-man session on full tilt at some point since they don't take too long.

Otherwise, I'll start the schedule back up again on Wednesday.

To the month of October and my current downswing I say BRING IT THE FUCK ON.

IS THIS ALL YOU GOT?

I LAUGH AT THE PATHETIC BEATS AND SITUATIONS YOU'RE PUTTING ME IN.

YOU DON'T OWN ME, I OWN YOU.

October 4th Results

Gotta make this post quick, playing right now.

First Sunday was "meh".

I didn't cash a thing on Full Tilt (thats two consec days now).

Went deep and finished like 37th in the early $109 on Stars (1,666 entrants).

Also went deep in the corresponding $22 MTT starting at the same time.

Also finished top 100 in the $22 1r1a on Stars.

Once I can start running decent late I can make some FTs and make some money.

Just gotta keep plugging away.

Played exactly 70 MTTs in the first four days of this month. That's a record for me and almost a milestone.

I'm really forcing myself to stick w/ this schedule and I feel pretty good.

October 3rd Results

Sooooooo......

The last couple months have been really ugly. And even by those standards I just had a really bad session.

I played the full schedule (18 MTTs) and mincashed just one tournament. As the hours went by, time became a blur as I watched unreal beat after unreal beat happen. If I was a 3 to 1 favorite, a 4 to 1 favorite, or even better when the money went in, I watched as the most ridiculous shit fell and crushed my soul.

Just fucking ouch.

I always wonder how the high-volume and best-of-the-best players handle sessions like this.

To me, a session like today's would normally be completely devastating. If not for this little 'october self-discipline project' I've got going on I would probably say "fuck poker" and take a couple days off.

But because I'm trying to establish a routine and learn to control my emotions (instead of my emotions controlling me) I fought my way through today and felt like I played really really well.

If I continue to play as well as I did today then I'll be one happy fella. No doubt about it.

Moving on...

Tomorrow is the first Sunday of the month. And as if most of the tourneys on my Stars schedule aren't high enough variance as it is, tomorrow promises to be extra gambly.

Oh well, bring it on fishes... do your worst.

October 2nd Results

Today I got in the full schedule, 18 MTTs.

It felt pretty good. I am happy with how I handled the bad beats and ridiculous situations. I hope most days this month find me as emotionally smooth as I was today.

I didn't really bust early from anything and at my peak I had 12 MTTs on my monitors. I was at the FT of a small, $22 big ante tourney on stars during that time.

The FT was tough. When down to four players I was thinking "wow these guys are aggressive and smart". My edge wasn't huge but I won a couple flips and ended up taking it down for a whopping $462.


















Besides a couple mincashes there wasn't anything else to really mention in MTTs.

I did play one $26/45 man on Full Tilt and got 2nd in it. I came into HU w/ a 2 to 1 CL but all the cards fell his way.

Ok so I guess after the first two days of October there is a decent enough amount of data to go ahead and do a sharkscope post.
























Obv it's very early in the month but so far I'm very pleased with my ROIs. Tournament poker is all about ROI and BR management. As long as I stay focused and play every day as I have the first two days this month, my profit should be decent by the end of the month.

Speaking of the end of the month, I was thinking I would take 10% of my profit this month and give it to charity (or charities).

I've been thinking a lot lately about this and also about volunteering in my spare time. But charity and volunteer work is something I have never done before and am kinda clueless about.

I think it would be awesome if any readers of this blog threw out some good suggestions for a charity or any good advice about volunteering. Oh, and please don't say "you could always donate to me"... that joke is so lame imo.

If you're reading this blog then chances are your life is a shitload better than a lot of people's lives.

But seriously, if you have any experience volunteering or know of good charities, please let me know and give me details. Also, please tell me why its a good charity. You can leave this info here on the blog as a comment or email me, adamsapple1919@gmail.com

Back at it tomorrow.

*edit* I also updated "The 25K Project" Results to reflect the first 171 Days

October 1st Results

This morning I went to the Animal Shelter and adopted a beagle (named him Braveheart). The paperwork took a little while longer than I thought so I missed playing the $11 1r1a on full tilt and $22 big ante tourney on Stars.

However I did play every single other tourney on my October Schedule, which is 16 MTTs... not too bad for a guy who's been getting overly upset lately with every little thing related to poker.

I mincashed two of the $26s on full tilt. I got 19th in the $75 6max on Full Tilt and busted when I ran my AKo into 1010 five-handed and couldn't hit. Oh well.

I then mincashed the $22 1r1a on stars. That was my only Stars cash in fact.

I also played four $26/45 mans on full tilt and finished a very frustrating 8th, 14th, 19th, and 10th. Ironically, I lost coin flips in all four of them to bust late. I lost two flips holding the pairs and lost two flips holding the overs. Gay. Anyway...

There was a lot of standard bullshit going on and I was finding myself incredibly upset immediately following the event but the anger went away after five minutes or so.

I feel like I played really well today.

As long as I stick to this schedule at least five days a week I know I'm gonna be pleased with the results.

Back at it tomorrow.

October Daily Schedule

I have come up with a good starting schedule for my October goal of forcing myself to play a steady schedule regardless of my emotions.
























I designed this schedule with two things in mind:

1) Session Length

My biggest problem is being able to continue to load up tourneys after I've already busted from previous ones (because my emotions overwhelm me and I all want to do is quit).

With this structure, I know exactly when I'm starting to load up tourneys and exactly when I'll be stopping. Loading up MTTs for three and a half hours (and then playing them out) should be a good starting point for me.

As the month progresses, if I get more comfortable and lose my irritability, I'll be able to keep the loading block open longer (therefore increasing profit).

2) Bankroll

I currently have my BR pretty well divided between both sites. So while I might feel comfortable playing slightly higher buyins (on Stars especially) I feel like its in my best interest to start off with generally smaller buyins.

This should keep me from getting too frustrated and too burned out right away if the month starts out rough.

It seems silly that I have to "force" myself to play. It seems silly that I'm such a crybaby when I lose and have overwhelming urges to quit despite perfectly standard and expectable bullshit. I go back and reread blog posts I've written and think to myself "man I'm a fucking crybaby, grow up Adam".

Yet this is how it is. This is how I am. Especially lately, I've been very edgy when my sessions start out ugly. The way I feel right now, it feels like it'll be a miracle to get past October 1st ha.

But I know once I force myself through this it will all be worth it.

Tyvm for the emails and comments. Means a lot that people understand my dilemma and are willing to throw some encouragement my way.

In exchange, I promise to blog every day that I play and post my daily and cumulative results for the month (complete with sharkscope graphs, charts, and broken down analysis of everything).

That's it. Enough words on my part. Its time to act.

I'm Asking For Help...

...with an unusual problem.

But I'll get to that in a bit.

Bear with me here...



October is almost here.

It's a month.

It's a whole month.

But it's not just any month.

It's the month where I put in some serious volume, by my standards.

It's the month where I'm gonna make some serious cash, by my standards.

How can I be so sure of this?

Well, my results in poker are good when I force myself to play.

I make money in this game when I have the discipline and strength to force myself to load up tourney after tourney after tourney.

I look at other player's stats on Sharkscope or OPR and I find myself getting jealous or asking myself "why am I not making this kind of money"?

This is what I'm talking about:






The obvious thing to notice is that kennl's profit is nearly 7x mine.

The not-so-obvious thing to notice is how similar our average stake and average ROIs are.

This is because we play virtually identical stakes poker, he just plays a shitload more than I do.

It's time I correct this imbalance.



But is it really that simple?

I've been aware of this "volume issue" I have for some time now. I always tell myself I'm gonna get in there and play play play play. I start out with a bang but quickly burn out.

I find myself being edgy and upset during rough sessions. This gets progressively worse until even the thought of playing poker disgusts me and I have to take a day or two off.

Why does this happen to me?

Bankroll management isn't a problem for me.

Spending too much money isn't a problem for me.

Realizing its a long-term game and that short-term results aren't important isn't a problem for me.

Tilt isn't a problem for me.

Understanding variance and its brutality isn't a problem for me.

Controlling my emotions and keeping my thoughts from racing and spinning out of control... this is my problem. Being so upset and not wanting to play poker or see poker or even think about poker is my problem. This keeps me from putting in volume.

I am a winning player and my level of success is directly tied to how much volume I put in.

More volume = more profit for me.

Yet I find myself becoming incredibly upset and angry when I try to become a "volume monster" like kennl.

If I have just one bad day I can become so upset that I start to despise the game. I quickly develop a true hatred for it if things don't soon turn around. It can take days sometimes for me to recover from these intense, self-inflicted emotional wounds.

These negative emotions keep me from getting in there day after day and making the kind of money I should be making.

I realize these emotional problems I have don't stem from poker. But poker certainly has a way of bringing them out and interfering with my potential.

Whats the solution then?

I'm really not sure. I think about this a lot. All I can come up with is simply having a shitload of self-discipline and literally forcing myself to play...

This brings me back to where this post started: The month of October and my need for help.

I want to document the entire month of October. I want to play at least 25 days, 10-hour days minimum. I want to put in more volume in October than I have in any other month.

My profit margin isn't even important. I know I will make money. Money comes with volume and correct decision-making.

Its ironic; most people fail in poker because they have too much desire to play and not enough capacity for correct decision-making.

Correct decision-making isn't my problem. HAVING THE DESIRE AND MOTIVATION TO PLAY EVERYDAY is where I struggle seriously.

So I want to try something new. Instead of continuing to tackle this problem on my own I've decided to reach out to the poker community and ANYONE who is willing to help me.

What am I asking for exactly?

Simple: Words.

My mind is chaotic and has the potential to become incredibly unstable. I have the horrible ability to not give a fuck about anything if I get upset enough. Its not difficult to see how this keeps me from having a solid routine and putting in volume.

So help me please. Just be there every now and then. Comment on my blog every so often. Reach out and relate to me. Find me on a table somewhere and say hi. It doesn't have to be anything special. Just let me know you're there and you're paying attention and that I'm not alone.

I realize a lot of people are going to read this and wonder why I have to "force" myself to play. Hell, most people would love to have my abilities in this game and be able to play poker for a living.

This certainly is a unique problem I have.

But I have no explanation. I have no answers. I am how I am. This blog is a pretty honest capture of my mind and my inner struggles.

This is a journey for me. I'm trying to get my mind in order and be a more productive person and successful poker player.

I know that some people out there will understand what I'm talking about and be willing to help me. Be willing to open up their hearts and minds and offer random words of encouragement to me that will make me want to carry on when I will feel like quitting.

If anything I've said makes sense to you at all then please stick around for the next month. I'll be posting very often and will be looking for a variety of feedback.

For the haters and others who just don't understand, go away. I want this to be a very positive month.

So, what do you say? You wanna make this a fun and interesting month with me?

I'm Not Dead

I'm still alive.

Though you wouldn't know it by looking at my blog recently.

Actually I took a spontaneous trip to New York City last week after running horribly in poker the week before. It was like my 7th consecutive week of running like shit and I guess I couldn't take it anymore.

I drove to New York City late Saturday night and spent two awesome days in Manhattan. I was staying literally one block away from Times Square. I saw a promotional shoot for the show "Cash Cab" on The Discovery Channel.

I went to the top of The Empire State Building, I saw the Ground Zero site and went to Liberty Island and inside the Statue of Liberty.

It was amazing.

The trip cost me a good bit of money but it was worth it. I feel more focused and centered than I did before.

Ok so WCOOP was a complete disaster. I cashed literally nothing, same as FTOPS. Whatever. Over it.

I've been working hard on grinding my Full Tilt roll back up from the depths and its been tough. This has easily been the worst run of my poker career.

So right now I'm working on grinding my full tilt roll up by playing 45 mans and small/mid stakes MTTs and also running midstakes MTTs on Stars. The last two days I put in 10 to 14 hour sessions. Yesterday I got 5th in an early morning $5r on Stars for about $1,150. It was my first final table in forever and it felt terrific.

As far as the Stars Project goes its still running even though I haven't been updating it. I'm just going to use Sharkscope from now on to keep track of the bankroll and not keep any graphs or data of my own. I'll try to keep it updated more consistently from now on.

So stay tuned. I'm back from the dead again and gonna be putting in some hours and making some FTs.

Update

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. It's just that all I've been able to do is lose, lose, and then lose some more.

I'm on my worst downswing ever in fact.

So I haven't really been in the mood to post. I've been updating the bar at the right showing the stars roll fairly frequently tho.

I busted like 20th in the nightly hundred grand last night. That's about as close to any final table as I've been in a month on Stars. Oh well.

WCOOP starts tomorrow and besides that I'm just gonna keep grinding away on full tilt and stars.

These are the tough times of poker that no one really likes to talk about. It's all fun and games when we're running well but when shit hits the fan it gives the word "frustrating" a new meaning.

Just gotta keep grinding it out and know when to move up and down in stakes appropriately during times like these.

I look forward to winning again.

WCOOP Schedule

FTOPS is over and it couldn't have been worse. I literally didn't cash anything. Quite disappointing after the couple deep runs I had last FTOPS.

But now I turn my focus toward the future.

This Saturday I'm playing the $1,650 Heartland Poker Tour Event in Michigan. Then in September I'm playing two of the $1,050 WCOOP Events.

I've been hungry lately to break out of the "midstakes shell" I seem to be stuck in. But since I don't play backed I have to be careful about what shots I take.

Anyway here's the WCOOP tourneys I'm registered for so far:

Event #1 $215 6max
Event #6 $109
Event #9 $215
Event #11 $530 (2-day)
Event #16 $1,050
Event #26 $215
Event #28 $1,050 (2-day)
----------------------
$3,384 in buyins

And I actually have enough FPPs (130,000) to buy two 1K WCOOP tickets from the VIP Store. Glad I was saving those up ha. So buying into the other five events will only cost me $1,284 from my actual roll.

And speaking of the Stars roll, the 25K Project has been slow-going. I've only been playing a few Stars MTTs here and there (with no success) while playing FTOPS.

Its been four months now on the 25K Project and I've been stuck at break-even for what feels like an eternity. Eventually I'll get pushed through tho, no worries.

Anyway, I'll be settled into my new place within ten days or so. I'm looking forward to a different environment and hoping it will help me take my success in poker to a level beyond midstakes.

Gl out there.

Michigan

I'm leaving in less than a week for Michigan to play the Heartland Poker Tour event at The Soaring Eagle Casino. I have friends up there I'm staying with.

While looking at the HPT website and their upcoming tournaments I noticed the Championship Event (in November) is also at the Soaring Eagle Casino.

I thought it might be perfect if I just stayed up there for a while and my friends said it was cool.

So I've been busy this week getting some things sold and getting ready to move up there.

I don't have a ton of stuff. I think I'm pretty mobile but a few things have to go and I have to sell my car since I bought a truck earlier this year. Good thing I bought a truck too cuz the winters in Michigan aren't too friendly. Last time I was there my friend Del had to pull a few ppl out of the snow.

Anyway I haven't been playing online too much and prbly won't be until I'm settled in up there. This weekend, however, I'm playing FTOPS 20, 24, Ante Up for Africa, and of course the main event. Then next Tuesday I'm leaving for Michigan and hopefully a Heartland Poker Tour Final Table.

Over the next few months there are some other HPT events within decent proximity to where I'll be living so I might be playing several of those this fall... Televised FT anyone...?!?!?!?!? :)

More updates to come.

dddddownswing

-$2,500 on Stars since my last post.

Been playing my ass off.

-$1,500 on full tilt too.

Neat.

Pretty nasty considering I'm playing within my bankroll and only playing midstakes tourneys.

Feels like its always one step forward, two steps backward.

It's tough to gain traction in this game, especially tournament poker.

It's a constant struggle that can last a long time.

Sometimes you feel like you're finally making progress only to be pushed down even harder...

This is when things are the most difficult and you are most tempted to give up...




But the reward is far greater than you can imagine.

This is a war worth fighting.

Few More FTs

Since my last post I played about 30 MTTs w/o a FT. Tonight I made up for it with three FTs, two on stars, one on full tilt.

I got 4th again in the 20r 6max on full tilt for $1,250. I ran AQo into 77 on a Ax7 flop 4-handed and gg me. Neat.



At the same time I was at the FT of the first $55 6max on stars. There was one huge fish and he paid me off a few times but finally bested me on the final hand when his KQo outdrew my AJo aipf. I ended up 3rd and picked up $1,250 in that one too.



Then an hour or so later I came into the FT of the $27.50 (25K guarantee) 1/9 in chips. Sexy spot. Tons of fish, only ICuRaRook to contend with. He went busto about a half hour in and it was just me and the fishes. I was loving it.

I played my heart out and got the money in good several times against some unbelievably awful players only to get drawn out on. I finally busted 3rd when my 66 lost KJo xxxxJ. Whatever. This one pissed me off quite a bit cuz 1st was almost 6K and I had to get real unlucky not to ship it. Oh well, such is poker.



Overall it was obv a fantastic night. I have zero regrets about how I played. Still tho I haven't shipped anything in quite a while and its been a little frustrating.

So the Stars Project roll is just under 15K now. I've been running so awful on stars the last few weeks that I really needed tonight's two FTs.

I feel like I'm playing fantastic lately and I've been putting in 15+ MTTs per night so I think thats a good combo. Hopefully some good things will happen for me soon.

Gl out there as always and thanks for the railage!

Couple FTs

Played a bunch of MTTs tonight on stars and full tilt. I FTd the $20r 6max on full tilt and finished 4th for about $1,530. Then several hours later I FTd the monster-field $3r on stars and got 6th for about $1,560.





I also ran deep in the 75K guarantee on full tilt (1st = like 26K yum yum) but busted like 20th shortly after my JJ lost to AJo aipf - Kx10Qx obv. I never do anything in this tourney. Oh well.

As I mentioned in my last post (yesterday), I'm basically done with grinding the ridiculous turbo SNGs on stars. So with the extra space on my screens I'm grinding MTTs and 45-mans on full tilt along side my stars MTTs. At the end of the day, poker is my living and I need to make money... and the turbo SNGs on stars are just so swingy and only marginally profitable.

I think its ironic how I've been grinding the hell out of MTTs on stars over the last couple weeks only to be on an ugly downswing and its the 3r of all tourneys that puts a good dent in the downswing ha. Crazy.

Well that's about it I guess. Tomorrow I'm heading down to Trinidad, Colorado to see the boundary line in the rocks from 65 million years ago when the dinosaurs went extinct (via a massive asteroid) and I'm pretty excited. Ya that's right, I'm a total nerd. Anyway, apparently Trinidad is the best place in the world to see the boundary line and its only 100 miles from me. So that will be fun. Gl everyone.

Edit: I'm in love w/ this girl

Update

I haven't posted in several days so I thought I'd give an update.

In addition to Stars, I've been playing a lot on Full Tilt lately. I'm sick of the turbo SNG swings on Stars so I'm running 45-mans and MTTs on Full Tilt along side my Stars MTTs. At this point I don't see myself grinding too many more SNGs on Stars so I'll be finishing up the 25K Project w/ MTTs only most likely.

Well hopefully I'll have some final tables to post here pretty soon.

Gl out there as always.

Day 45

45 Days ago I completed Phase One with an enormous amount of energy and motivation to start off Phase Two. On just the second day of P2 I recorded my first MTT win in the $5 2r1a. Just four nights later I took 2nd in the nightly $10r for a cool $6,500. Then shortly after that I won a 12K main event package on Full Tilt (non project-related). But for some reason after all that I basically lost interest for a while. I had a couple minor personal things come up but my energy for tournaments really trailed off. I ended up taking about 15 days off.

Anyway since all that I've only recorded a 2nd place finish in a $50 6max. Tonight was my last night to turn the 12K roll into 25K but instead it went the opposite way. I dropped about $800 over 12 MTTs and some SNGs. I really couldn't have run much worse. It was standard run-bad BS and I really don't even wanna talk about it.

Ok so what happens now? Well, the roll is at about 11.3K and last time I checked this was called The 25K Project... so obv I need to get to 25K or more!!

The fact that I didn't get the 5K roll up to 25K in 45 days or less isn't really important. It was a goal I set to keep myself motivated but unfortunately the motivation part kinda died out after a few weeks. Oh well.

The important thing is that I finish what I started. And the good news is my motivation is back. I've played 26 MTTs and tons of SNGs over the last two nights. I don't think an unmotivated person does that.

Recent Downswing

Eight days ago the roll was peaked at about 14K. Tonight its at about 11.3K. So I'm on a 2.7K downswing which is just under a 20% bankroll loss in just eight days. Yuck. And believe me I feel it too. I've been playing my ass off and getting completely killed. But the good news is I've been through this before and I know it won't last. Things always eventually turn around if you're making quality decisions and forcing your opponents into mistakes.

Current Schedule

For the last week or so I've been playing pretty much the same schedule. I've been falling asleep at like 8am and waking up at about 5pm ha. Gross sleep cycle I know. Anyway this is the nightly schedule I've been running and will prbly continue to run:

5:00 pm $109
5:15 pm $11 1r1a
6:00 pm $27.50
6:00 pm $3r
6:15 pm $55 6max
7:00 pm $162
7:00 pm $20r
7:30 pm $55
8:00 pm $10r
8:15 pm $55 6max
---------------------
Total ~$663 - $66 Average Buyin

I really like this schedule cuz its got a good mix of large fields, medium fields, and small fields. This helps to even out variance in the long run. Also It allows me to have a solid ten MTTs going in just a 3hr 15min block of time.

Well I guess thats about it. All I can do is continue playing great and eventually I'll hit some FTs and get this roll moving in the right direction.

Yikes

I played my heart out tonight. I ran 14 MTTs. They were:

$109, $11 1r1a, $3r, $27.50, $55 6max, $109 turbo, $162, $20r, $55, $10r, $55 6max, $27.50 turbo, $33, $77 6max turbo

It went as disastrously as possible. I mincashed the $10r and that was all she wrote. I was ahead when the money went in for virtually all of my bust hands. I couldn't hold when ahead and I couldn't suck out when behind. We've all been there. It feels like total shit. Welcome back my old friend Mr. Variance.

I ran 180s again and as usual it was complete hell. I'm now down a staggering $1,700 in the $12/180 mans over 385 games. I don't even know what to say about these things anymore. I wish I had never started playing them and just stuck to 18 and 45 mans.

I was curious about something. I decided to look at my SNG stats since I started this project for all my 18 man and 45 mans only. Then I decided to look at only my 180 man stats. The differences are unbelievable.

So in this project I've played 18 man, 45 man, and 180 man SNGs. This first graph is all my statistics in the 18 man and 45 man games combined:























This is a good looking graph. It shows the minor downswings and major downswings you'd expect from playing exclusively turbos but overall it shows the upward trend of a solid 3,000-game sample.

This next graph shows ONLY my 180 mans:























This is unreal to me. This is the kind of graph you expect to find from a seasoned fish or fresh-faced amateur. Yet its not. Its my disgusting graph.

I mean, from looking at my first graph of over 3,000 games its clear that I know how to beat these turbo multi-table SNGs. So whats going so horribly wrong in the 180 mans that I've never even been on the positive side of the graph?

I think there are multiple answers to this question. One problem alone wouldn't be keeping me down so long.

First off, there is a great deal of variance built into these turbo 180 mans. Its literally push/fold after 30 minutes and usually theres still about half the field left at this time. This fact alone makes these things very difficult and crapshooty.

Secondly, there are a lot of regs in these things. I see so many everyday players in the 180 mans its almost unreal. And of course these players are making very few mistakes, therefore decreasing your chances even further of having good results.

Thirdly, even the "average joes" who play these things almost all understand basic push/fold strategy by now. With all the free or inexpensive poker tools about proper turbo SNG strategy available to the online community, the pool of players making egregious mistakes is definitely getting smaller. Again, this further decreases your chances of having good results.

Lastly, sample size. I've only played 385 of these things. While this may sound like a lot it really isn't. Also, I've only final tabled 4.6% of all 385 I've played (18 final tables). And at those final tables I've ran really really awful. So awful, in fact, I have yet to have a single first place finish! However, my NEXT 18 final tables could very easily be a different story and I might post 5 or 6 first place finishes... this is how variance works and why having a large enough sample is very important.

In conclusion, there is no "one single factor" to why my numbers in the 180 mans are so horrible at this moment. Its a deadly combination of a poor structure, reasonably skilled opponents, lack of sample size, and variance.

I feel like after I have at least 700 games under my belt things will be different.

Ok so today was Day 98 and tomorrow is my last day to finish the project. Well not really ha. I mean, I feel like I need to clear something up about this project. Even if I don't reach 25K after tomorrow's session I'm NOT stopping this project. That was never part of the plan.

After I completed Phase One I set a lofty goal to get from 5K to 25K in 45 days. Tomorrow is the 45th day. But even if that doesn't happen I'm not going to stop. I'm going to play on until I climb over the 25K mark.

But who knows I could get it done tomorrow. The roll is at 12K right now and I should be in three tourneys tomorrow night where first place is 13K or more. Thats the $109/40K guarantee, the $162 Nightly Hundred Grand, and the $55 Nightly Seventy Grand. And then theres also the $10r but 1st place in that is usually about 12K. But no matter what, the possiblilty exists. It would be pretty sick if I did get it done on the 45th day ha.

Sooooooooooooo thats about it folks. glgl to all good ppl.

A Little Better

Tonight's session was far better than my last two sessions. This isn't to say it was great tho. It just wasn't a horrible losing session ha.

This was the first session since I started Phase Two that I haven't ran any 45-mans. Since I'm on my laptop right now its difficult to run more than nine tables. So basically I just ran MTTs and two or three 180 mans at the most.

In the 180 mans I had a 6th and two mincashes. While that may not sound like much, for me its a monster run in these things. My last FT was over 50 games ago. Ridiculous.

Anyway at least I didn't run miserably in the 180s tonight so that was def nice.

I cashed the $55 6max and lost w/AJ to Q9dd on a x9J flop to running diamonds. Then I cashed the Nightly Hundred Grand and got my 25K stack aipf w/KK against AKdd and 1010. Board ran out xxAxx obv and gg me.

The way the KK hand played out was unbelievable to me and goes back to exactly what I was saying yesterday in my second post on variance. These players are beyond horrible.

So this is how it happened:

Blinds 800/1600. I have about 23K to start the hand. I'm in the SB w/KK. UTG (whos been aggro) opens about 2.5x AKdd. Player in MP 3bets w/1010 (prbly cuz UTG player has been aggro). So its a gorgeous spot for me with KK. I obv instaship.

So at this point UTG is looking at a 3bet and a significant 4bet shove. Any decent player stops and re-analyzes whether or not AKdd is good anymore. He didn't even hesitate before hitting the all in button. And as if that wasn't bad enough, the guy with 1010 is now facing a 5bet shove but also instantly puts his chips in the pot. Wp fellas, wp. I appreciate you completely ignoring the action and trying to give your money away. Just too bad I couldn't hold or I'm over 75K with about five tables left.

So this is why tourneys are still so so so profitable imo. Players are in such a hurry these days to get their money in with a good hand that they are ignoring the action. In fact, if you ask me, tournaments are more profitable these days than before all the good information on tourney strategy flooded and saturated the poker market a few years ago.

The key difference between now and "back in the day" is that back then players were weak and check-calling all the time trying to hit flops. So all you had to do was play in position and be aggressive. If you got played back at you folded.

Nowadays that mass of weak players are now betting and 3betting w/marginal hands cuz they just assume you're weak when being aggressive.

So instead of the bad players being mostly passive, now they are mostly aggressive. I find that just sitting back and letting these over-aggressive monkeys bluff off their chips is a good strategy.

Anyway I've only got four days left to get this project done according to my timeline. It might happen and it might not. Who knows. I mean, I'm playing in at least three MTTs every night where first place in any one of them would put me over the 25K mark so its not impossible.

I've been solidly motivated the last week or so to finish this project after about three weeks of dragging my feet on it and barely playing tourneys. I think this new-found motivation is (at least partly) due to the fact I've been formulating the details for my next challenge in my head over the last couple weeks. I think people are gonna like it.

I'm not gonna talk about the details until I'm done with the stars project but I will say its gonna be bigger and better and will prbly generate a good deal of buzz.

K well thats about it. Gl out there guys and girls.

The Nature of Variance II

I'm writing this at the tail end of my session tonight. All I have left open is the 10r. I just got donked out of virtually everything.

I'm feeling pretty inspired right now for some reason. I can't believe how many mistakes players still make these days in poker. With all the training sites, books, forums, and other free information out there about poker I sometimes worry that the average player will become good enough that making money in poker would become very difficult.

Then I have a session like tonight where its as if I'm in the twilight zone. Its one fish after another trying hard to give their money away. I made some really quality reads and got my money in time and time again far ahead and watched as virtually each time I lost to some ridiculous card. This is when I realize my fears are irrational and the ocean of poker is constantly ripe with fishes. Phew.

However, this was my second session since the $50 6max 2nd place finish and I'm cashless in all MTTs and running horribly in the 45 and 180 mans. I've watched nearly 10% of my bankroll slip away in just two completely disastrous sessions.

I think this is where most otherwise very intelligent and talented players fail in poker. Its easy to plan out a bankroll and a schedule and go at it full force. But when variance kicks in it challenges you in ways you really are almost never prepared for.

You continually get the money in good and continually lose and you tell yourself, "ok this will end soon, I'm cool, just gotta keep playing amazing", but to your horror the unrealness continues. Eventually it can become overwhelming for some people and suddenly their hopes of making a living in poker seem like a distant dream. Irrational thoughts towards the game creep into their minds and they may start to assume they are just doomed to lose. At this point it can be very easy for their poker train to become completely derailed.

Lets make something very clear: This is a tough game. Its a very tough game. You can lose over long periods of time where you are playing nearly perfect while someone else can be winning over a long period of time playing very poorly. This is the phenomenon known as variance and it can be very difficult to understand. So difficult, in fact, that most people resort to simple but completely irrational explanations.

We've all heard players at the table remark something like, "thats Jokerstars for ya!", or, "only on full tilt", after an unlikely event occurs. Its more comfortable for these people to rationalize unlikely things in this way rather than try to imagine how variance works. This is why these are losing players. They play with emotion rather than intelligence. They play with "feel" rather than proven probabilities. Most of the money that profitable players make in poker comes from players with these mindsets.

So whats my point here? Well, after I've had a couple consecutive horrendous sessions I may be experiencing a plethora of negative emotions. I may become completely disgusted with the game or I may start to feel some irrational thoughts of my own creeping up.

I'm not a mentally tough person. I may be stronger some days than others but when I'm running badly in poker it takes a toll on me. I know there are a lot of other people who are the same way.

There is one thing all the best poker players have in common: mental toughness. Some might also call it perseverance. However you want to label it, its a quality that allows them to be completely unaffected by negative results (variance). They bounce back again and again and play their best game 100% of the time.

This is an ability most people don't naturally posess. I'm a crybaby by nature and poker conflicts with that. I've been trying very hard over the last four years to learn to handle my emotions and keep them in check.

One thing I've realized over the last few years is that I'm not special. No one is. Nothing that is happening to any player at any time is special in any way.

Poker and the short-term randomness of the cards are a very chaotic thing. The individual results any one player experiences over a certain period of time are only one microscopic and insignificant slice of all that chaos. Its silly to think that somehow "the poker gods" are singling you out and picking on you.

The bottom line is this: Stay strong. Realize that nothing you're experiencing is "special" in any way. This game is unbelievably random and chaotic in the short run and trying to look for patterns is completely useless. The ONLY edges we have amidst all the chaos are these:

1) Our ability to NOT make mistakes
2) Our ability to force our opponents into making mistakes
3) Getting the money in ahead as often as possible

So if these three things aren't your top three priorities chances are you're not going to succeed.

Writing posts like these help me to cope with my own variance. Getting all these thoughts out of my head is very helpful. I'm not the kind who can just sit back and take it up the ass and be like "meh, no biggie". I'm the type who has to sit down and figure out why things are happening. I break everything down piece by piece until I have my answers. And my answer this time is the exact same as it always is when I'm in this situation: just keep doing exactly what I'm doing and I'll eventually see the results I want.

Good Session

Well today was a much better session. I still couldn't win a 180 man (ajkfhadsjkhfjkdlgh) but I did pull off two 45 man wins (and a 2nd) and I got 2nd place in the $55 6max for 2.3K.




I was CL from about 20 players all the way down to HU. I was completely dominating. I took several bad beats while 3 handed and HU and had to settle for 2nd despite being a 2-1 CL going into HU play. My opponent was a complete fish and hit every miracle he needed. It was totally unreal. Oh well.

I feel like I can safely say I played my absolute best game in this tourney and did not make one mistake down the stretch.

Stars has been running this "Extended Registration" thing lately and I love it. They keep the tourney registration open for the entire first hour and its making a huge difference in the prize pools.

For example, the $55 6max tourney I got 2nd in tonight used to only get between 110 and 140 players every single night. But with the Extended Registration it picked up 311 entrants swelling the prize pool to more than double what it used to get.

If Stars for some crazy reason decides to stop this Extended Registration I'm gonna be super pissed.

Well thats really about it. I def ran better tonight than I have been and I feel like I'm finally excited again to finish this project.

glgl

Edit: I updated the Bankroll Timeline Graph at the top.

Grrrrrrr

Well I've been putting in some tourney sessions here and there on the 25K Project and its been rough. The rare few times I manage to amass a stack deep in a tournament I can't avoid a ridic two outer or something else retarded. Its been frustrating. The 25K Project roll has slipped below 12K.

And to top it all off I STILL haven't won a 180 man SNG yet. I've been grinding these for over a month now and my results just get more and more disgusting as time passes... isn't it supposed to be the opposite?

























I've been on a downswing in the 45 mans as well:

























The 45 man graph overall tells me these turbo SNGs are profitable and that if I stick with the 180 mans I'll make money in them. But what kind of money? I mean, are these things worth it?

I've always grinded 45 mans on Full Tilt in addition to my regular MTT grind. This helps maintain a healthy bankroll and keeps me sharp in endgame situations. But the 45 mans on Full Tilt are non-turbos and the variance is drastically reduced. The turbo 45 and 180 mans on Stars have wild swings of variance built into their structures. So not only is your ROI less but your profit is less steady.

Let me illustrate what I'm talking about. This first graph is every single SNG I've played on Stars since I started the 25K Project:
























They are comprised of 180 mans, 45 mans, and 18 mans and are virtually all turbos. This next graph is all the $26/45 man/NON-turbos I've played on Full Tilt:
























You can clearly see how much more steady and profitable the non-turbos are.

I mean, sure, the buyin is double on Full Tilt with the non-turbos but look at the vast differences. I played less than one-third the games to earn more than double the profit! That's huge! Less volume, less variance, more profit. And all because of the differences in structures.

With the non-turbos you have plenty more time and can be more patient and wait out the bad players and pick good spots. With the turbos on Stars it feels like a shovefest 15 minutes in. Its a lot harder to pick a good spot in the turbos. And ultimately that's what poker comes down to: picking spots. Bad players lose money over time because they pick mostly bad spots while good players make money over time because they pick mostly good spots.

So whats my whole point here? Well I guess I'm saying I'm not sure about the turbo SNGs on Stars. Right now they are feeling like a lot more work then they're worth.

So, why am I even messing with SNGs? I've always been the kind who likes to be grinding SNGs simultaneously with MTTs. The SNGs are always there to pick up my spirits and my bankroll when I'm down on my MTT luck. But the swings of these turbo SNGs are starting to drive me insane.

Also it really disgusts me that I've played over three-hundred 180 mans and have yet to win a single one. I literally don't think I've ever played ANY tournament over three-hundred times and NOT won it at least once.

I would love to switch to non-turbo 45 and 180 mans on Stars but unfortunately they virtually never run. All the action is in turbos on Stars for some reason. So its either turbos or nothing.

I can't see myself NOT grinding SNGs while I play a schedule of MTTs so with that thought in mind I'm gonna continue on with the turbo 45 and 180 mans for awhile longer. I'll make a more definitive decision about them after I get in a larger 180 man sample.

So what else is going on? Not much. Like I mentioned in my recent post titled "Motivation" I've been struggling to find that fire inside me about poker and about this project. Maybe theres something wrong with me that I have these intense phases of motivation and accomplish some amazing things then abruptly it turns to a phase of "bluh" and "meh" towards everything.

I was diagnosed as bipolar a few years back and have been on and off meds for it but I'm not sure what role that plays in my motivational level towards poker.

I know I have the potential to be a pretty sick poker player and have amazing results but there is vast inconsistency in my moods and state-of-mind which keep me from reaching that potential.

I think its something I'm slowly conquering though. For the last five months I've been on a new med that I think is really helping to clear out my head and make me a more stable person. But these things take time and I'm not sure when I'll be ready to reach my full potential level.

Guess I better wrap this post up... its so easy for me to get rambly.

glgl

Motivation

I played a long 25K session Monday and it went awful. Played another long session Tuesday and it was just as bad. If I wasn't running into some random idiot's good fortune I was leveling myself against Supernovas and looking like a fool while losing my chips.

Down about $1200 over both days.

When I woke up yesterday morning (Weds morning) I just wasn't feeling motivated. Its strange because three weeks ago two consecutive losing sessions wouldn't have bothered me. I would have got right back in there. But for some reason the motivation, fire, and intensity I had seem to have cooled to just a glowing ember. I know this has been evident in my lack of blogging and lack of playing tourneys.

So instead of loading up a plethora of tourneys yesterday morning I loaded up a plethora of cash tables. I 24-tabled 50nl for about four hours and played 6,100 hands. I was +7 buyins and picked up a cool 1,200 VPPs. This puts me one step closer to Supernova.

For the record, I'm now break-even at 50nl but still -9 buyins at 100nl. I'm prbly just gonna stay at 50nl though and recoup that money there. Eventually I'll even be making money.

However, I'm regretting having gotten myself addicted to these cash games.

Are they a sick way of earning points and easily making Supernova? Yes.

Do I enjoy 24-tabling and executing split-second decisions? Absolutely.

Are they profitable? Marginally.

Have they caused me to lose my tournament motivation? Most likely.

The conclusion I have to draw is that the cash games are a distraction from where my focus should be: tournaments and the 25K Project.

This being said, I'm going to force myself to get in there every day and do tournaments like I was. I'll still run cash game sessions on the side cuz I'll need the points for supernova but I can't let them be my main focus.

Self-discipline is fundamental to being a successful poker player. Its something I'm nowhere near perfect at. But its something I'm working on.

Hopefully if you've read this perhaps you can take a look at some of the things you've been doing and decide if you have any distractions of your own.

First Session Back

My 25K session yesterday was pretty awful. I played a lot of MTTs. I ran deep in the 22c, 55 (80k guar), 55 (40k guar), 33 2r1a, and 3r. I either lost flips or took ridiculous beats to bust from all those. Standard I guess.

I've mentioned this before but I feel its worth mentioning again. Throughout my sessions I'm either an observer or active participant in hands where players are making atrocious mistakes. In other words, there are still tons of fish in the sea ha. There is, without question, lots of money to be made in midstakes tourneys.

Anyway I also ran like total shit in the 180 mans, surprise surprise. I've played 259 of them since the start of this project and have yet to win one. I've got two 2nds and several 6th thru 9th finishes but thats it. I can't believe how I'm running in these things. The variance is disgusting.

I had a 1st, 2nd, and a few other cashes in 45 mans yesterday so that helped a little.

Also yesterday I ran a contest in OT in P5s. I was giving away two $5 prizes to the best two pics of girls in baseball hats. I ended up shipping $50 to six different winners ha but it was def fun. Heres the link to this contest and here are my fav pics from it:


These were my top two pics:


























I picked these as the top two cuz I was looking for pretty faces, huge smiles, and hair pouring out of the cap.












Other favs:




























































Celebrities:




















Alyssa Milano































Shannon Elizabeth


Lots of cowboy hat posts. This was my fav:



























I'm gonna be running some contests similar to this in OT on P5s in the near future so stay tuned and make some free cash!

Well its about time for my session today. Despite yesterday's ugly session I feel strong today so hopefully I can run well.

glgl

Back At It

K so after taking two weeks off from the 25K Project I'm ready to hit it full force again starting tomorrow.

For the last two weeks I've been busy mass multi-tabling cash games and earning VPPs so I can make sure I earn Supernova status this year. I played 74,000 hands and picked up about 16,000 VPPs. Sadly I'm down 18 buyins but w/e. I'm down 9 buyins @ 100nl and down 9 buyins @ 50nl. Having played almost 75,000 hands that's really not a horrible losing rate but I must have a leak somewhere while 24-tabling cuz I feel like I should be winning after 75K hands.

I think I'm making my decisions too quickly. I know I've been running really awful too. My aces keep getting run down by anything and everything and I'm running KK into AA like its my job. But I'm not sure how much of it is running bad or being overwhelmed by all the action. I need to figure it out.

Either way I'll get it all back and then some. I'm not the type who quits. And whats most important is that I figured out a sick way to earn VPPs and FPPs on Stars w/o having to risk much. In just two weeks I picked up 1/6th the required annual VPPs to make Supernova by playing small stakes cash only. Did I mention the 40,000 FPPs I picked up too? Ha. I think that's pretty gross. God bless Table Ninja imo.

K so the roll on stars is @ 14K and I need to get to 25K. I've only got 17 days to get this done. Maybe I can do it and maybe I can't. Depends on how I run. But don't worry even if I don't get it done in the time line I set out I will for sure get it done.

My mind is so constantly active I'm already thinking about what I'm gonna do after the 25K Project. I'm contemplating doing a prop bet on Full Tilt in a similar bankroll building project. This might be a little premature but I'm thinking of something along the lines of trying to turn $50 bucks into 50K in 150 days. I'll need to see what kind of action I can get on this though. I'd love to hear some feedback on this.

glgl

Update

For the past week I've been completely addicted to something. Its caused me to be almost totally inactive on my 25K Project.

I've been 24-tabling cash games on Stars.

You're prbly wondering why the hell I've been wasting my time doing this and the truth is I'm wondering the same thing myself ha. Well, since I've been playing so much on Stars the last couple months I've become very familiar with their VIP rewards system and how it works.

I wanted to see if I could make Supernova status by year's end. I did some calculations and determined it would be very difficult by playing MTTs and SNGs only. However, it turns out the VIP system on Stars is heavily weighted towards cash games. Once I realized how many points I could earn by playing cash I took off.

Since the middle of last week I've earned just under 10,000 VPPs and just under 25,000 FPPs by 24-tabling 50nl. Just to be clear on the significance of 10K VPPs, that's 1/10th the necessary annual amount required for Supernova status in just one week. So at the pace I've been playing it would only take me ten weeks to make Supernova.

But let me also be clear with the volume I've had to put in. I had to play just under 46,000 hands at 50nl to earn all those points. To do this in a week's time would be impossible without my new favorite thing in the world: Table Ninja.

Table Ninja is software created specifically for PokerStars which allows you to program hotkeys and makes the mechanics of mass multi-tabling simple. I can program Table Ninja to auto-buyin so I don't have to load tables up constantly. I can raise, call, bet, or fold with single keystrokes on my keyboard. I hardly even use my mouse! I can execute a decision as quickly as I can make it. In fact, I'd be playing more tables at once if the maximum wasn't 24.

I'm down about ten buyins right now after 46K hands but I'm not worried at all. I've been running on the wrong end of coolers but those even out over time. With as awful as the players at 50nl are it won't be long until I'm raking in the buyins.

This has been very exciting and addicting for me. Being able to put in over 4,000 hands in about three hours is just too cool to me. And knowing I'm earning a ridiculous amount of VPPs and FPPs really keeps me pumped to keep going. I'll be a Supernova in less than two months at the pace I'm on. Then with the FPP multiplier increase I'll be earning sick points. Porsche anyone...?

The bad news is this has obv taken me away from the 25K Project. I tend to get ridiculously focused on something and go at it 110%. Then when I get bored I look for something else to put all my energy into.

I feel really bad lately because I know so many ppl have been following this blog with all my updates about getting to 25K and for the last week I haven't even been playing tourneys! To those ppl who have been inspired and have been following along I apologize. My addictive personality has temporarily strayed me in another direction.

I can't make any promises on when I'll find my intense motivation to finish the 25K Project but I WILL finish it. Maybe I just need to crank out a quarter million cash hands then I'll get burned out and wanna play tourneys again ha. I really just don't know.

I've been staying hidden from search on Stars cuz I didn't want ppl to know I was playing cash games ha. I'll change that so if you wanna look me up and say hi thats cool. I'm keeping track of my +/- in cash games so as to not disturb the 25K Project bankroll.

On Sunday I played the Brawl on Full Tilt and Warmup on Stars. I cashed both and finished like 90th in the Brawl and like 400ish in the warmup. Meh. At least I'm cashing Majors now. For the first half of this year I literally couldn't even cash a Sunday Major to save my life so even mincashes are noteworthy.

Ok well thats whats been going on. To summarize, the 25K Project is on a bit of a hold and I'm completely addicted to mass multi-tabling cash games. This won't always be the case as my bread and butter is definitely tournaments.

glgl