I ended up going to the casino and playing live for about 8 hrs. I got my ass handed to me @ 1/2nl for four 50 BB buyins. Notable gayness included QQ losing to KK aipf, KK losing to AKo aipf, and 67cc losing to Q10o all in on a flop of 1067Qx.
I felt like I knew where everyone was at in a hand virtually all the time. I haven't played live in over a month and its weird to be able to give all my focus to one single live game rather than 8 to 12 tables online.
Even though it was a bad session and added more frustration to my downswing I definitely had a great time being around people. Lots of laughing and lighthearted convo. I could definitely use more of that.
Today I was back to the online grind. I ran the full schedule and once again got killed on full tilt. I salvaged a pathetic mincash in the 21K KO tourney and that was it. I'm down $1,600 on full tilt since the start of the month. Shoot me please.
I seriously don't even feel like playing on full tilt right now. I'm strongly considering running my stars sched only for the next couple days to give my mind a break from four consecutive cashless days (minus the retarded mincash today).
I realize this is an irrational thought and irrational behavior but I really don't know what else to do. I'm not as mentally tough as I wanna be when it comes to running bad. The only thing I've ever known to do in these situations is cut my play way back and ease into it again gradually as I gain my confidence back.
The shaundeebs and kennls of the world don't ever seem to be bothered by downswings and they play 5x the volume I do. It must be nice to be as patient and mentally steady at all times like these guys.
Anyway, stars was "meh" today". I mincashed the $11 turbo, both the $22 FOs, and the $3r on my schedule. I went deep in almost everything else but couldn't even cash. I felt like there was a lot of potential today on stars but nothing panned out. I continue to run like shit late.
I continue to pick good situations to get my money in. This is all I can do. The coolers are ridiculously tilted against me right now (as they have been for two months now) and the fishes keep hitting miracles against me late in tourneys. I just can't do anything else but get in there every day and continue picking good situations.
I'll decide how I feel tomorrow about whether I'm gonna run full tilt or not. The way I feel right now I doubt I will... who knows. Maybe if I could get some input on what some of you think as to whether I should play or not. Its weird cuz I'm living inside my own mind and I'm only focusing on what I see. Sometimes we need other people to help point stuff out that we don't always see ourselves. And because I am blogging my thoughts and results everyday I feel like there has to be some shit in my thought process that could use some improvement.
So feel free to post comments or PMs or emails or anything. I'm interested in any and all feedback. I'll do anything I can to conquer this wall in my mind so I can become a really sick tourney player.
2 comments:
Hey,
You have one of the best poker blogs out there and I really enjoy reading your thoughts.
About your FullTilt situation. If this were 2 months ago, I would say you shouldn't run it. But you have set yourself a goal and it's up to you to go through with it. You set out to play a full schedule 25(?) days this month. No one said it would be easy. When you set you to do this, you knew there were going to be bad days, maybe not this bad but you had to expect it.
To reach this point and then give up playing FT really doesn't help you as a poker player. You set out to try to toughen yourself up to fight through the downswings. You know that at some point in your poker career you will run 10x worse than you ever thought possible. Well this might be that time. By focusing, and fighting through it, you learn so much more than if you give up. Think about where you are right now and where you want to be. Use it as motivation.
I have read every post in your blog (yes, a bit stalkerish, but it's good stuff) and you have a very good attitude about poker. If you just maintain a level head and continue to play your game, you will break through. Even when you get coolered at the end of a major and miss out on the big money, you have to remember, as long as you keep playing well your time will come.
I know that you are frustrated lately and it may come off as a bit whinny, but you know what its OK. Sometimes you just need someone to talk to to vent and let out your frustration.
Anyways good luck, like you say, another day another tourney.
+1, Dan said it all. Stay focused, stay on track, and keep us posted. Just remember, all it takes is a few final tables, and that downswing you're on will be history. Go get em...
Htown Joe
Post a Comment