I have a bad habit of just crawling under a rock for a while.
I seem to be the kind of person who is either 110% full-force ahead or 110% head-in-the-sand. Very rarely do I find any middle ground it seems.
My last post was over a month ago. At that time I was in a downswing that was inside of a bigger downswing. Things haven't gotten better.
Here's an update on where I stand right now:
1) I had to cash out my Stars roll. I currently have zero funds there. The 25K Project will not be completed. More on that in a bit.
2) I'm still in the midst of an atrocious downswing. My only online poker funds are on Full Tilt and its not a healthy roll. In fact, its as low a roll as I have had in over two years.
3) The December 1st deadline for U.S. Banks to be fully compliant with the UIGEA regulations is right around the corner. If you know what I'm talking about then you are probably concerned like me. If you don't know what I'm talking about here's a link to a great post from Jennifear regarding this.
It's been over two years since I've seriously entertained the thought of quitting poker. But with all of this overwhelming me at the moment I must admit I have to fight back those thoughts again.
I can't really imagine myself doing anything else though. And for as shitty as I've been running for a few months now I KNOW it will turn around. It has to.
As far as the legislation and the banks go I clearly have no control over that. All I can do is wait and see how things play out. I believe things will work out though.
Internet poker is in such high demand that I just can't see the Federal Gov't being able to stop it. They've been trying to regulate illegal drugs for decades and only managed to embarrass themselves and throw away billions in tax dollars trying. So on that front I say "gl banks" trying to stop something that exists on the internet and overseas.
Ok so basically I feel like I'm starting over right now. I feel like I'm back to square one. I'm almost exactly where I was two years ago. I have a small roll on full tilt and thats it.
Here's the good news: this is probably my strongest ability in this game. Being able to take a small roll and build it up is something I've done successfully several times in the past.
The 25K Project was a pretty good documentation of this. Even though I didn't get to 25K, I did manage to get $500 up to $15,000 at the peak of the project.
I'm in a similar starting situation right now in fact. I have just over 1K on full tilt. A lot of players with my stats would seek out a staker at this point but thats not how I roll. I never reload and I don't play backed.
What am I saying here? Well I guess I'm saying I don't feel like I have anything to lose anymore. The last few months have been a serious gut-check for me. I've been tested financially and emotionally. I moved from colorado to michigan to live with some friends during this time, all the while bragging about my poker skills only to see my once mighty roll slowly bleed out from shitty runs and the need to withdraw.
If there is one thing I can say for certain its this: playing poker for a living (and being successful) is one of the toughest things to do over the course of a few years. I mean, we all have great months, and some good months, and some "meh" months, and of course some "yuck" months, and of course some "omfg its not possible to run this shitty" months... its an easy game when we're winning and its almost unbearable when we lose continuously.
I'm not a mentally tough person. I attach a lot of my self-worth to my poker results. This is an unbelievably -ev thing that I don't really know how to get control over. However...
I do know I will be back to my winning ways if I can manage to weather this storm. I've had good success in this game despite my emotional and mental drawbacks. There should be no reason why I can't return to at least that form. I've done it before and I'll do it again.
