Not Feeling Well Lately

My confidence is not where it should be. My motivation is not where it should be. My hunger to dominate is not where it should be. 

Last night I cut my session short because of how I was feeling. 

I hate when this happens to me. Any long time readers of my blog know exactly what I'm talking about. It's definitely related to the depression. 

I doubt it helps that my last FT was over 100 tourneys ago and that I'm on a 3K downswing. 

I'm also questioning whether or not I should be playing these FTOPS tourneys. 

I feel like I come up with great plans for success but then something like FTOPS comes along and tries to mess with my head. 

I feel like I HAVE to play them because the EV is so high yet I also know I'm likely to not do well in them and I'll be blowing like $1,500 on five tourneys. That is not part of my plan. 

So its like a catch 22. Damned if I do and damned if I don't. Either way I'm left feeling like I made a mistake. 

There's also some petty stuff in my personal life bothering me right now. 

It's kind of funny how my head works. It feels like I can deal with a maximum of just one thing at a time. If that thing is not going well I can handle it and nurse it back to normal eventually. 

But when more than one thing in my head is bothering me I seem to freak out. I start to feel like I'm losing control of all situations. It's very overwhelming and frustrating. 

Right now, about the only thing I feel like doing is drinking. 

Anyway, I hope it doesn't take me too long to pull out of this mental rut. 

Also, huge congrats to my long-time friend Justin "Arsonist88" Shelton for recently shipping a Triple Crown. He's put a lot of effort into the game over the last few years and deserves every bit of success he's had. 

Here's the link to an article on P5s about it. 

Feb 6th Update/Current Sched

Well nothing too exciting has been going on since my last post besides bubbling FTs like it's my job. 

Sunday, January 31st was the sickest Sunday I've ever seen in terms of prize pools. I played 16 MTTs that day and managed a deep run in the Brawl but busted like 105th. Besides a mincash in the Double Deuce and the 30r, that was all I could muster up. I knocked out Josh Arieh in the Brawl for an extra $240 and a tshirt so that was pretty cool. 

I ended up not playing the first three days in Feb. For some reason I was incredibly tired and slept for what felt like days. It was as if my explosive January finally allowed me to rest mentally and physically after four months of grinding and putting all of myself into the game. 

I feel like I'm back on track though and playing my updated late night schedule. It looks like this:

9:30 $55

9:45 $11

10:00 $26 

10:30 $10r

10:45 $11 KO

11:00 $109 6max

11:00 $26 6max KO

11:30 $11 6max

12:00 $75 KO

12:00 $11

12:30 $20r

12:35 $5 1r1a

1:00 $26

1:30 $30 1r1a

1:35 $15 super turbo KO

1:59 $75

2:00 $11 6max

So I'm looking at 17 MTTs at a cost of about $723 bucks. This puts my average buyin at $43. I feel really comfortable with this. 

My plan, as of right now, is to grind this late night sched and then grind a separate Sunday sched. Sundays will be just 8 MTTs. Those 8 MTTs start between 6:00pm and 8:00pm. My tentative Sunday sched looks like this:

6:00 $216 / 750K Guarantee

6:00 $26

6:35 $5r 6max

7:00 $75

7:05 $216 / Sunday Mulligan

7:30 $20r 6max

8:00 $163

8:00 $26

So this is 8 MTTs with a total cost of about $849. 

My reasoning behind playing only 8 tourneys on Sundays is based mostly in my comfort level (and partly in the timing). 

Sundays are expensive and bloody. By playing these 8 tourneys, I am spending a comfortable amount on buyins (only about $100 more than a regular session) while still taking my shots at big scores and taking advantage of all the EV on Sundays. 

This way I ensure Sundays don't devastate me financially or emotionally.

Also, because I'm grinding a late night schedule during the rest of the week, starting at 6:00pm on Sundays is very practical. 

Overall I feel like this is the perfect system/schedule/plan for me as it fits in with my comfort level very well. All I have to do now is just execute...