October 12th Results

I played two non-turbo 9mans on the 12th.

Like I said, I just wanna ease back into winning after getting raped for so long.

And ease back I did.

I won both of them.

Felt real good to run decent.

I might play today, I might not. No pressure.

October 10th and 11th Results

Saturday the 10th: Played a few 45-mans on full tilt and a couple small 6max MTTs on stars. No dice in anything. Then later that night I was so desperate for as much as a cash that I played a couple 9-mans on full tilt and still couldn't even run decent enough to get ITM.

So fucking lame.

I've been losing for so long now and so non-stop that the next fucking time I'm winning I'm just gonna fucking play play play and win win win.

Sunday the 11th: Went to Detroit to watch comedian Bill Maher. Actually he's quite a bit more than a comedian. His intelligence and "say-it-like-it-is" attitude toward everything in the world really resonates with me.

He has a live show Friday Nights on HBO called "Real Time with Bill Maher". He used to have a show on network television (ABC) in the 90's called "Politically Incorrect" but it was cancelled shortly after 9/11 because Bill Maher had the balls to say the truth about why America was attacked and some people got all hurt. But it worked out for the best cuz HBO picked him up and now he can say almost anything he wants without having to worry about censorship.

Here's a couple of funny Maher clips.

October 9th Results

I didn't play yesterday. I was going to run some 45-mans but didn't feel like it and something came up in the evening anyway. I'm so glad I didn't play cuz I really didn't want to.

It's already 4pm right now on Saturday and I've got a couple more things to do today but I prbly will play a little bit tonight, 45-mans and 180-mans.

Tomorrow is Bill Maher in Detroit so I'll prbly run a 45-man session in the morning and that'll be it.

Feels good not having played much poker the last couple days. I've been so stressed by poker lately.

The way I feel right now I just wanna ease into winning again.

I mentioned in my last post how I've been losing since August. I knew I was losing but I didn't know how much. So I looked it up.

(link to bigger image: http://img24.imageshack.us/img24/7761/sharkscopeallsinceaug1s.png)

This is everything. This is all SNGs and all MTTs on both stars and full tilt since August 1st.

The stars stats are a little skewed because I played two of the 1K WCOOP events and didn't cash either. Obv those buyins are way above my usual stake and make things look a little worse than they actually are. Also FTOPS on full tilt was disastrous and cashless.

It would be easy to look at these numbers and think I started changing the way I play and have somehow become a losing player. Except that my ROIs on both sites are still positive. That's so gross.

To still be making good decisions over so many tourneys and have a positive ROI but be bleeding money cuz I keep losing in midstakes and having to drop to low stakes and winning then moving up again and getting killed then dropping down and winning again etc etc etc...

Its getting old. I"m tired of making good decisions but losing my ass off. I don't play backed so this is all my own money I'm losing. I never deposit so I have to make sure I move down accordingly.

This has easily been my worst downswing this year.. not only in terms of the amounts I'm losing but also the length of the downswing. Ten weeks of losing has taken its toll on me emotionally, and I'm already a pretty emotional person to begin with.

Just for shits and giggles I looked at my stats from January 1st to July 31st, the rest of the year. Actually it really helps me to realize how well I've done and reaffirm that things WILL in fact turn around eventually if I just hang in there.

(link to bigger image: http://img91.imageshack.us/img91/248/sharkscopealljantojuly2.png)

The types of games I play I know I can beat. I have beat them and will beat them again. But this interim brick wall I've hit is frustrating the shit out of me.

Sometimes I even find myself questioning the most standard of plays cuz I can't seem to win shit anymore. I shouldn't have to question a certain shove or a certain call. I know what I'm doing.

Yet I feel like I have to get back to basics. I feel like I might be overwhelmed with emotion from so much losing over the last ten weeks that I might be over-analyzing some situations and outplaying myself.

Well thats about it. Hopefully my 45 man session won't be so disgusting tonight and tomorrow. With a third of the month over I'm already in quite a hole (both financially and emotionally). If things were ever going to turn around for me and my stakes this would be the time.

GL out there to us grinders.

October 8th Results

Pathetic.

Overwhelmed.

Completely unmotivated.

There's a few descriptions of how I feel about poker right now. I hate this game. Nothing I do is working out right now. I'm down $1,700 on full tilt and $1,200 on stars since October 1st (and I'm down a shitload more than that since Sept 1st and Aug 1st).

Yesterday I even dropped down my volume a little. It felt really good actually. I got back to basics by only running one 45-man at a time on full tilt while running the stars schedule. I wanted to make sure I'm not over-thinking my situations and outplaying myself due to my frustration towards the game right now.

I felt like I played really really well and made excellent decisions. But as per usual I got fucking raped in every key spot. I played several non-turbo $22/180-mans on stars and went deep in virtually every single one only to get fucked near the end.

Zero cashes on the day except the stupid $3r on stars. I was on uber-batshit-monkey tilt by the end of my session. All logic went out the fucking window.

What a fucking joke this game is. It's unreal how disgusted I am with it right now.

I sit in this room with my comfortable-as-fuck chair and kick-ass poker set up and play tourney after tourney for hours on end getting killed day after day while my friend/roommate (who I'm teaching to play part-time) decides to fire up one single 45-man last night and finishes 2nd like it was nothing.

It's like fucking child's play to win in this game WHEN YOU CAN WIN. It's fucking trivial.

Here I am crying like a fucking baby again "I can't win, I can't win, I can't win, wah wah wah wah wah wah".

I don't know what to do right now. I really really really really don't want to play today but I know that isn't the answer. I have to fight through this.

But I know that as soon as I take my first retarded beat by some retarded monkeyfish or run my KK into AA I'm gonna lose my fucking mind. All the anger and frustration of the last two months will flood into my conscience and tear me to shreds emotionally.

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Just fucking sigh.

My confidence is for absolute shit right now. I literally feel like I'll never win again. My bankrolls are bleeding out on both sites.

I don't know what else to do but to get back to basics. Its either that or quit.

I mean, I know I set out to play this specific October Schedule but I'm far too overwhelmed right now to carry it on. I'm trying really hard to stay positive through this but it's tough.

So I don't know what to do today. I'm definitely not running high variance MTTs. I'd rather put a bullet in my abdomen.

It felt pretty good yesterday having only a few tables open at a time and concentrating on just those. I think maybe I'll just run a couple 45-mans on full tilt and a couple non-turbo 180-mans on stars for a while today.

I need to make sure I'm still making optimal decisions with all this chaos going on in my mind.

Some comments I've been getting have definitely been awesome and I wanna say thanks for them. I hope they keep coming.

Well that's it. I'm done bitching for now.

On Sunday I'm going to see Bill Maher in Detroit and that should definitely lift my spirits. Maybe if I can have a non-overwhelming session today and tomorrow then take Sunday off I can have a clean mental slate on Monday?

Maybe. Who knows.

GL to me and GL to you.

October 6th and 7th Results

I took Tuesday the 6th off. Off from online anyway.

I ended up going to the casino and playing live for about 8 hrs. I got my ass handed to me @ 1/2nl for four 50 BB buyins. Notable gayness included QQ losing to KK aipf, KK losing to AKo aipf, and 67cc losing to Q10o all in on a flop of 1067Qx.

I felt like I knew where everyone was at in a hand virtually all the time. I haven't played live in over a month and its weird to be able to give all my focus to one single live game rather than 8 to 12 tables online.

Even though it was a bad session and added more frustration to my downswing I definitely had a great time being around people. Lots of laughing and lighthearted convo. I could definitely use more of that.

Today I was back to the online grind. I ran the full schedule and once again got killed on full tilt. I salvaged a pathetic mincash in the 21K KO tourney and that was it. I'm down $1,600 on full tilt since the start of the month. Shoot me please.

I seriously don't even feel like playing on full tilt right now. I'm strongly considering running my stars sched only for the next couple days to give my mind a break from four consecutive cashless days (minus the retarded mincash today).

I realize this is an irrational thought and irrational behavior but I really don't know what else to do. I'm not as mentally tough as I wanna be when it comes to running bad. The only thing I've ever known to do in these situations is cut my play way back and ease into it again gradually as I gain my confidence back.

The shaundeebs and kennls of the world don't ever seem to be bothered by downswings and they play 5x the volume I do. It must be nice to be as patient and mentally steady at all times like these guys.

Anyway, stars was "meh" today". I mincashed the $11 turbo, both the $22 FOs, and the $3r on my schedule. I went deep in almost everything else but couldn't even cash. I felt like there was a lot of potential today on stars but nothing panned out. I continue to run like shit late.

I continue to pick good situations to get my money in. This is all I can do. The coolers are ridiculously tilted against me right now (as they have been for two months now) and the fishes keep hitting miracles against me late in tourneys. I just can't do anything else but get in there every day and continue picking good situations.

I'll decide how I feel tomorrow about whether I'm gonna run full tilt or not. The way I feel right now I doubt I will... who knows. Maybe if I could get some input on what some of you think as to whether I should play or not. Its weird cuz I'm living inside my own mind and I'm only focusing on what I see. Sometimes we need other people to help point stuff out that we don't always see ourselves. And because I am blogging my thoughts and results everyday I feel like there has to be some shit in my thought process that could use some improvement.

So feel free to post comments or PMs or emails or anything. I'm interested in any and all feedback. I'll do anything I can to conquer this wall in my mind so I can become a really sick tourney player.

October 5th Results

Ok so the first five days of the month are in the books.

If I play 25 days in October then I am 20% of the way through the month right now.

That being said, its been a pretty ugly opening 20%...

To sum up in a few words what this data shows in detail, I fucking hate full tilt and I'm not exactly in love w/stars.

Clearly I'm getting smashed on full tilt. The MTT variance I'm experiencing is normal but the 45-man variance is retarded.

I've played twenty-nine MTTs and twenty-three 45-mans.

After twenty-nine MTTs I expect not to have any significant results. That's fine, no biggie.

In fact, that's exactly why I throw the 45-mans in there, to help reduce the MTT variance.

But clearly my nasty 45-man run from September continues to spill over into October cuz I only have one cash in twenty-three 45-mans this month.

This is what I mean:

I used to crush these things but since September they've been a fucking nightmare.

This 45-man nightmare combined with virtually no success in MTTs over the last couple months = me hating full tilt right now.

But w/e. I've made a good bit of money on full tilt this year and it's silly to expect to never hit a brick wall in this game.

Stars has been interesting. I'm not playing any 45-mans and most of the MTTs are very large fields, so you would expect my variance to be high. Yet it's been quite low after fifty-five MTTs.

One would think my variance would be much higher on stars (given the massive fields) and lower on full tilt (given the much smaller MTT fields and 45-mans) yet it's exactly the opposite after the first five days of this month.

Winning an 80-player, $22 tourney on the 2nd really helped. I specifically made sure I had a few smaller-field mtts on my stars schedule.

But just today stars eliminated the two $22 big ante (360 player max) tourneys that I had been playing on my October Schedule. That really sucks.

Now I'm down to ten mtts/day on stars with eight of them having 1K+ entrants. This = more variance. Oh well.

This month is about me establishing a good rhythm and routine for my poker life rather than playing erratically and on emotion only like I have been this year.

And despite the natural variance and ugly results I'm experiencing right now, the month has been 100% successful in terms of me sticking to a regular schedule and not feeling too overwhelmed w/ emotion toward the game.

I feel like I've taken a huge step these last five days toward becoming a happier poker player and a happier human being.

Ok so I'm taking tomorrow off cuz I have an appointment and cuz I prbly should take a day off anyway so tomorrow seems like a good one. I might throw down a 45-man session on full tilt at some point since they don't take too long.

Otherwise, I'll start the schedule back up again on Wednesday.

To the month of October and my current downswing I say BRING IT THE FUCK ON.

IS THIS ALL YOU GOT?

I LAUGH AT THE PATHETIC BEATS AND SITUATIONS YOU'RE PUTTING ME IN.

YOU DON'T OWN ME, I OWN YOU.

October 4th Results

Gotta make this post quick, playing right now.

First Sunday was "meh".

I didn't cash a thing on Full Tilt (thats two consec days now).

Went deep and finished like 37th in the early $109 on Stars (1,666 entrants).

Also went deep in the corresponding $22 MTT starting at the same time.

Also finished top 100 in the $22 1r1a on Stars.

Once I can start running decent late I can make some FTs and make some money.

Just gotta keep plugging away.

Played exactly 70 MTTs in the first four days of this month. That's a record for me and almost a milestone.

I'm really forcing myself to stick w/ this schedule and I feel pretty good.

October 3rd Results

Sooooooo......

The last couple months have been really ugly. And even by those standards I just had a really bad session.

I played the full schedule (18 MTTs) and mincashed just one tournament. As the hours went by, time became a blur as I watched unreal beat after unreal beat happen. If I was a 3 to 1 favorite, a 4 to 1 favorite, or even better when the money went in, I watched as the most ridiculous shit fell and crushed my soul.

Just fucking ouch.

I always wonder how the high-volume and best-of-the-best players handle sessions like this.

To me, a session like today's would normally be completely devastating. If not for this little 'october self-discipline project' I've got going on I would probably say "fuck poker" and take a couple days off.

But because I'm trying to establish a routine and learn to control my emotions (instead of my emotions controlling me) I fought my way through today and felt like I played really really well.

If I continue to play as well as I did today then I'll be one happy fella. No doubt about it.

Moving on...

Tomorrow is the first Sunday of the month. And as if most of the tourneys on my Stars schedule aren't high enough variance as it is, tomorrow promises to be extra gambly.

Oh well, bring it on fishes... do your worst.

October 2nd Results

Today I got in the full schedule, 18 MTTs.

It felt pretty good. I am happy with how I handled the bad beats and ridiculous situations. I hope most days this month find me as emotionally smooth as I was today.

I didn't really bust early from anything and at my peak I had 12 MTTs on my monitors. I was at the FT of a small, $22 big ante tourney on stars during that time.

The FT was tough. When down to four players I was thinking "wow these guys are aggressive and smart". My edge wasn't huge but I won a couple flips and ended up taking it down for a whopping $462.


















Besides a couple mincashes there wasn't anything else to really mention in MTTs.

I did play one $26/45 man on Full Tilt and got 2nd in it. I came into HU w/ a 2 to 1 CL but all the cards fell his way.

Ok so I guess after the first two days of October there is a decent enough amount of data to go ahead and do a sharkscope post.
























Obv it's very early in the month but so far I'm very pleased with my ROIs. Tournament poker is all about ROI and BR management. As long as I stay focused and play every day as I have the first two days this month, my profit should be decent by the end of the month.

Speaking of the end of the month, I was thinking I would take 10% of my profit this month and give it to charity (or charities).

I've been thinking a lot lately about this and also about volunteering in my spare time. But charity and volunteer work is something I have never done before and am kinda clueless about.

I think it would be awesome if any readers of this blog threw out some good suggestions for a charity or any good advice about volunteering. Oh, and please don't say "you could always donate to me"... that joke is so lame imo.

If you're reading this blog then chances are your life is a shitload better than a lot of people's lives.

But seriously, if you have any experience volunteering or know of good charities, please let me know and give me details. Also, please tell me why its a good charity. You can leave this info here on the blog as a comment or email me, adamsapple1919@gmail.com

Back at it tomorrow.

*edit* I also updated "The 25K Project" Results to reflect the first 171 Days

October 1st Results

This morning I went to the Animal Shelter and adopted a beagle (named him Braveheart). The paperwork took a little while longer than I thought so I missed playing the $11 1r1a on full tilt and $22 big ante tourney on Stars.

However I did play every single other tourney on my October Schedule, which is 16 MTTs... not too bad for a guy who's been getting overly upset lately with every little thing related to poker.

I mincashed two of the $26s on full tilt. I got 19th in the $75 6max on Full Tilt and busted when I ran my AKo into 1010 five-handed and couldn't hit. Oh well.

I then mincashed the $22 1r1a on stars. That was my only Stars cash in fact.

I also played four $26/45 mans on full tilt and finished a very frustrating 8th, 14th, 19th, and 10th. Ironically, I lost coin flips in all four of them to bust late. I lost two flips holding the pairs and lost two flips holding the overs. Gay. Anyway...

There was a lot of standard bullshit going on and I was finding myself incredibly upset immediately following the event but the anger went away after five minutes or so.

I feel like I played really well today.

As long as I stick to this schedule at least five days a week I know I'm gonna be pleased with the results.

Back at it tomorrow.