It's already 4pm right now on Saturday and I've got a couple more things to do today but I prbly will play a little bit tonight, 45-mans and 180-mans.
Tomorrow is Bill Maher in Detroit so I'll prbly run a 45-man session in the morning and that'll be it.
Feels good not having played much poker the last couple days. I've been so stressed by poker lately.
The way I feel right now I just wanna ease into winning again.
I mentioned in my last post how I've been losing since August. I knew I was losing but I didn't know how much. So I looked it up.
(link to bigger image: http://img24.imageshack.us/img24/7761/sharkscopeallsinceaug1s.png)
This is everything. This is all SNGs and all MTTs on both stars and full tilt since August 1st.
The stars stats are a little skewed because I played two of the 1K WCOOP events and didn't cash either. Obv those buyins are way above my usual stake and make things look a little worse than they actually are. Also FTOPS on full tilt was disastrous and cashless.
It would be easy to look at these numbers and think I started changing the way I play and have somehow become a losing player. Except that my ROIs on both sites are still positive. That's so gross.
To still be making good decisions over so many tourneys and have a positive ROI but be bleeding money cuz I keep losing in midstakes and having to drop to low stakes and winning then moving up again and getting killed then dropping down and winning again etc etc etc...
Its getting old. I"m tired of making good decisions but losing my ass off. I don't play backed so this is all my own money I'm losing. I never deposit so I have to make sure I move down accordingly.
This has easily been my worst downswing this year.. not only in terms of the amounts I'm losing but also the length of the downswing. Ten weeks of losing has taken its toll on me emotionally, and I'm already a pretty emotional person to begin with.
Just for shits and giggles I looked at my stats from January 1st to July 31st, the rest of the year. Actually it really helps me to realize how well I've done and reaffirm that things WILL in fact turn around eventually if I just hang in there.
(link to bigger image: http://img91.imageshack.us/img91/248/sharkscopealljantojuly2.png)
The types of games I play I know I can beat. I have beat them and will beat them again. But this interim brick wall I've hit is frustrating the shit out of me.
Sometimes I even find myself questioning the most standard of plays cuz I can't seem to win shit anymore. I shouldn't have to question a certain shove or a certain call. I know what I'm doing.
Yet I feel like I have to get back to basics. I feel like I might be overwhelmed with emotion from so much losing over the last ten weeks that I might be over-analyzing some situations and outplaying myself.
Well thats about it. Hopefully my 45 man session won't be so disgusting tonight and tomorrow. With a third of the month over I'm already in quite a hole (both financially and emotionally). If things were ever going to turn around for me and my stakes this would be the time.
GL out there to us grinders.
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