October Daily Schedule

I have come up with a good starting schedule for my October goal of forcing myself to play a steady schedule regardless of my emotions.
























I designed this schedule with two things in mind:

1) Session Length

My biggest problem is being able to continue to load up tourneys after I've already busted from previous ones (because my emotions overwhelm me and I all want to do is quit).

With this structure, I know exactly when I'm starting to load up tourneys and exactly when I'll be stopping. Loading up MTTs for three and a half hours (and then playing them out) should be a good starting point for me.

As the month progresses, if I get more comfortable and lose my irritability, I'll be able to keep the loading block open longer (therefore increasing profit).

2) Bankroll

I currently have my BR pretty well divided between both sites. So while I might feel comfortable playing slightly higher buyins (on Stars especially) I feel like its in my best interest to start off with generally smaller buyins.

This should keep me from getting too frustrated and too burned out right away if the month starts out rough.

It seems silly that I have to "force" myself to play. It seems silly that I'm such a crybaby when I lose and have overwhelming urges to quit despite perfectly standard and expectable bullshit. I go back and reread blog posts I've written and think to myself "man I'm a fucking crybaby, grow up Adam".

Yet this is how it is. This is how I am. Especially lately, I've been very edgy when my sessions start out ugly. The way I feel right now, it feels like it'll be a miracle to get past October 1st ha.

But I know once I force myself through this it will all be worth it.

Tyvm for the emails and comments. Means a lot that people understand my dilemma and are willing to throw some encouragement my way.

In exchange, I promise to blog every day that I play and post my daily and cumulative results for the month (complete with sharkscope graphs, charts, and broken down analysis of everything).

That's it. Enough words on my part. Its time to act.

I'm Asking For Help...

...with an unusual problem.

But I'll get to that in a bit.

Bear with me here...



October is almost here.

It's a month.

It's a whole month.

But it's not just any month.

It's the month where I put in some serious volume, by my standards.

It's the month where I'm gonna make some serious cash, by my standards.

How can I be so sure of this?

Well, my results in poker are good when I force myself to play.

I make money in this game when I have the discipline and strength to force myself to load up tourney after tourney after tourney.

I look at other player's stats on Sharkscope or OPR and I find myself getting jealous or asking myself "why am I not making this kind of money"?

This is what I'm talking about:






The obvious thing to notice is that kennl's profit is nearly 7x mine.

The not-so-obvious thing to notice is how similar our average stake and average ROIs are.

This is because we play virtually identical stakes poker, he just plays a shitload more than I do.

It's time I correct this imbalance.



But is it really that simple?

I've been aware of this "volume issue" I have for some time now. I always tell myself I'm gonna get in there and play play play play. I start out with a bang but quickly burn out.

I find myself being edgy and upset during rough sessions. This gets progressively worse until even the thought of playing poker disgusts me and I have to take a day or two off.

Why does this happen to me?

Bankroll management isn't a problem for me.

Spending too much money isn't a problem for me.

Realizing its a long-term game and that short-term results aren't important isn't a problem for me.

Tilt isn't a problem for me.

Understanding variance and its brutality isn't a problem for me.

Controlling my emotions and keeping my thoughts from racing and spinning out of control... this is my problem. Being so upset and not wanting to play poker or see poker or even think about poker is my problem. This keeps me from putting in volume.

I am a winning player and my level of success is directly tied to how much volume I put in.

More volume = more profit for me.

Yet I find myself becoming incredibly upset and angry when I try to become a "volume monster" like kennl.

If I have just one bad day I can become so upset that I start to despise the game. I quickly develop a true hatred for it if things don't soon turn around. It can take days sometimes for me to recover from these intense, self-inflicted emotional wounds.

These negative emotions keep me from getting in there day after day and making the kind of money I should be making.

I realize these emotional problems I have don't stem from poker. But poker certainly has a way of bringing them out and interfering with my potential.

Whats the solution then?

I'm really not sure. I think about this a lot. All I can come up with is simply having a shitload of self-discipline and literally forcing myself to play...

This brings me back to where this post started: The month of October and my need for help.

I want to document the entire month of October. I want to play at least 25 days, 10-hour days minimum. I want to put in more volume in October than I have in any other month.

My profit margin isn't even important. I know I will make money. Money comes with volume and correct decision-making.

Its ironic; most people fail in poker because they have too much desire to play and not enough capacity for correct decision-making.

Correct decision-making isn't my problem. HAVING THE DESIRE AND MOTIVATION TO PLAY EVERYDAY is where I struggle seriously.

So I want to try something new. Instead of continuing to tackle this problem on my own I've decided to reach out to the poker community and ANYONE who is willing to help me.

What am I asking for exactly?

Simple: Words.

My mind is chaotic and has the potential to become incredibly unstable. I have the horrible ability to not give a fuck about anything if I get upset enough. Its not difficult to see how this keeps me from having a solid routine and putting in volume.

So help me please. Just be there every now and then. Comment on my blog every so often. Reach out and relate to me. Find me on a table somewhere and say hi. It doesn't have to be anything special. Just let me know you're there and you're paying attention and that I'm not alone.

I realize a lot of people are going to read this and wonder why I have to "force" myself to play. Hell, most people would love to have my abilities in this game and be able to play poker for a living.

This certainly is a unique problem I have.

But I have no explanation. I have no answers. I am how I am. This blog is a pretty honest capture of my mind and my inner struggles.

This is a journey for me. I'm trying to get my mind in order and be a more productive person and successful poker player.

I know that some people out there will understand what I'm talking about and be willing to help me. Be willing to open up their hearts and minds and offer random words of encouragement to me that will make me want to carry on when I will feel like quitting.

If anything I've said makes sense to you at all then please stick around for the next month. I'll be posting very often and will be looking for a variety of feedback.

For the haters and others who just don't understand, go away. I want this to be a very positive month.

So, what do you say? You wanna make this a fun and interesting month with me?

I'm Not Dead

I'm still alive.

Though you wouldn't know it by looking at my blog recently.

Actually I took a spontaneous trip to New York City last week after running horribly in poker the week before. It was like my 7th consecutive week of running like shit and I guess I couldn't take it anymore.

I drove to New York City late Saturday night and spent two awesome days in Manhattan. I was staying literally one block away from Times Square. I saw a promotional shoot for the show "Cash Cab" on The Discovery Channel.

I went to the top of The Empire State Building, I saw the Ground Zero site and went to Liberty Island and inside the Statue of Liberty.

It was amazing.

The trip cost me a good bit of money but it was worth it. I feel more focused and centered than I did before.

Ok so WCOOP was a complete disaster. I cashed literally nothing, same as FTOPS. Whatever. Over it.

I've been working hard on grinding my Full Tilt roll back up from the depths and its been tough. This has easily been the worst run of my poker career.

So right now I'm working on grinding my full tilt roll up by playing 45 mans and small/mid stakes MTTs and also running midstakes MTTs on Stars. The last two days I put in 10 to 14 hour sessions. Yesterday I got 5th in an early morning $5r on Stars for about $1,150. It was my first final table in forever and it felt terrific.

As far as the Stars Project goes its still running even though I haven't been updating it. I'm just going to use Sharkscope from now on to keep track of the bankroll and not keep any graphs or data of my own. I'll try to keep it updated more consistently from now on.

So stay tuned. I'm back from the dead again and gonna be putting in some hours and making some FTs.

Update

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. It's just that all I've been able to do is lose, lose, and then lose some more.

I'm on my worst downswing ever in fact.

So I haven't really been in the mood to post. I've been updating the bar at the right showing the stars roll fairly frequently tho.

I busted like 20th in the nightly hundred grand last night. That's about as close to any final table as I've been in a month on Stars. Oh well.

WCOOP starts tomorrow and besides that I'm just gonna keep grinding away on full tilt and stars.

These are the tough times of poker that no one really likes to talk about. It's all fun and games when we're running well but when shit hits the fan it gives the word "frustrating" a new meaning.

Just gotta keep grinding it out and know when to move up and down in stakes appropriately during times like these.

I look forward to winning again.