Angry Rant

I hate this game right now as I write this.

I finished 15th in the 50r for $1500ish and then finished 16th in the $109 (80K guarantee) for $700ish. While those scores are nice and go a long way towards this project they remind me of why I hate Sundays so much or ANY tourney with a payout of 20K+.

I was down to 7 BBs in the 50r and openshoved my A9o right into AKo. GG me. Whatever. Of course I'm never gonna catch any cards and win the 30K first place in that. Thats fine.

Then a couple hours later I found myself super deep in the $109 with 1100+ players. Down to the final two tables. I'm having a great time. I just doubled up w/ 66 against QJhh. I'm chatting with some cool guy on the rail who follows this blog. I've forgotten all about the 50r. I'm eying the 20K 1st place prize. Everything feels right.

Then I pick up JJ. I open and the guy who just doubled me instaships. I snap and rejoice to see his 99. A hold here is worth a 300K stack and top five position. Of course the board comes the unreal xxxx9. Heres the visual.

Just flop that mother fucker FFS. That would hurt twenty million times less than seeing it fall retardedly on the river.

I'm a very emotional person and I get my hopes up easily. Once I fade the two outer on the flop my emotions skyrocket. I start thinking "Oh baby I just might ship this tourney and the juicy 20K this time!!" That would = project goal accomplished and my first big score. The devastation in the moment of seeing that nine is overwhelming to be honest.

I'm really upset in this moment. I know I have no right to complain. We all take unreal beats at the most painful times. I've gotten used to that and accepted it. But somehow it never hurts less in a big spot like that.

I've been playing a lot of Sunday tourneys for several months now and the rare few times I make it past the donkey masses and find myself in a good spot it seems like I take an absolute ridic beat or someone makes a retardedly obvious overshove and finds a miracle against my good call.

Sure I picked up about $2200 in cashes between those two deep runs but I've had a dozen scores above $2200 in the last year. I don't care about $2200 to be completely honest. I want a GOOD score. I've never had a score above 10K. I've had a bunch of scores between 2K and 9.8K but every time I find myself in a good spot for a 20K+ score something ridiculous happens.

I'm kinda tired of just being a midstakes grinder. I already know I can tear up midstakes. My MTT and SNG stats on Full Tilt prove that effortlessly. My ROI in midstakes is ridiculous.

And on Stars I've already grinded $500 up to over $14K in just two months... and I just started playing MTTs seven days ago.

I played the three majors on Full Tilt again today and crapped out of everything pretty early as usual. When it comes to tourneys with a very significant prize pool I feel like I'm automatically drawing dead. It feels like there is some barrier or shield keeping me from breaking out of this midstakes rut I'm in. It feels like a curse.

But...

I know its just a feeling and NOT reality. In reality there are no curses. In reality there is nothing in particular holding me back from a good score. Its just a series of unlucky events that make it seem like I'll never get there.

I have to keep going. I have to keep pushing. I'm playing so well right now. I'm not stopping. I'm never stopping until I have the results I want. My time WILL come.

I started this project because I was frustrated with my results in buyins above the midstakes level. I was burned out and bored with my mediocrity. I knew a project like this would kick start my passion for tournaments again... and it has. Today was just a gross reminder of all that frustration.

However the roll now stands at $14,290 which is pretty amazing. Just seven days ago I was grinding small stakes SNGs only and finally got the roll above 5K to $5,111. I was so excited to finally be able to start Phase Two. I remember that moment vividly.

Obviously things are looking really good right now. I really couldn't have asked for a better seven days to start out Phase Two. I've nearly tripled the roll.

I've got to let go my frustration and anger about the "big score". All it will do is haunt me and hold me back if I focus on it. I've got to stick to my game plan and get in there and play my best everyday like I have been.

Everything will be OK.

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Heres todays SNG graph:


























They started out really well with a couple 1sts and a 2nd in 45-mans but then after about 30 games it went to hell. I think I only mincashed one 180-man. I can already tell the variance in the 180s is gonna be brutal but I've seen the profits of some of the regs and I know they're gonna be worth it in the long run.

I thought I would show the graph of just the $12/45-mans since I started this project:


























Kinda pretty huh? Ha. I know graphs are popular with readers so I figured this would be a nice little treat.

Ok well I guess I'm done complaining and then feeling better. Hope your Sunday went well. I'm back at it tomorrow.