Not Feeling Well Lately

My confidence is not where it should be. My motivation is not where it should be. My hunger to dominate is not where it should be. 

Last night I cut my session short because of how I was feeling. 

I hate when this happens to me. Any long time readers of my blog know exactly what I'm talking about. It's definitely related to the depression. 

I doubt it helps that my last FT was over 100 tourneys ago and that I'm on a 3K downswing. 

I'm also questioning whether or not I should be playing these FTOPS tourneys. 

I feel like I come up with great plans for success but then something like FTOPS comes along and tries to mess with my head. 

I feel like I HAVE to play them because the EV is so high yet I also know I'm likely to not do well in them and I'll be blowing like $1,500 on five tourneys. That is not part of my plan. 

So its like a catch 22. Damned if I do and damned if I don't. Either way I'm left feeling like I made a mistake. 

There's also some petty stuff in my personal life bothering me right now. 

It's kind of funny how my head works. It feels like I can deal with a maximum of just one thing at a time. If that thing is not going well I can handle it and nurse it back to normal eventually. 

But when more than one thing in my head is bothering me I seem to freak out. I start to feel like I'm losing control of all situations. It's very overwhelming and frustrating. 

Right now, about the only thing I feel like doing is drinking. 

Anyway, I hope it doesn't take me too long to pull out of this mental rut. 

Also, huge congrats to my long-time friend Justin "Arsonist88" Shelton for recently shipping a Triple Crown. He's put a lot of effort into the game over the last few years and deserves every bit of success he's had. 

Here's the link to an article on P5s about it.